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Page 36
"They are that. Is Steve at home?"
"He isn't coming home this Christmas. I wasn't planning about Steve,
father. Don't think such a thing as that of me."
"I don't, Charlotte. I don't think of Charlotte Sandal and of any thing
underhand at the same time. I'm a bit troubled and out of sorts this
morning, my dear."
She kissed him affectionately for answer. She not only divined what a
trial Julius had become, but she knew also that his heart was troubled
in far greater depths than Julius had any power to stir. Harry Sandal
was really at the root of every bitter moment. For Harry had not taken
the five hundred pounds with the creditable contrite humiliation of the
repenting prodigal. It was even yet doubtful whether he would respond to
his parents' urgent request to spend Christmas at Seat-Sandal. And when
there is one rankling wrong, which we do not like to speak of, it is so
natural to relieve the heart by talking a great deal about those wrongs
which we are less inclined to disguise and deny.
In the great hall a sudden thought struck the squire; and he stood
still, and looked in Charlotte's face. "You are sure that you want to
go, my dear? Won't you be missed? Eh? What?"
She clasped his hand tighter, and shook her head very positively. "They
don't want me, father. I am in the way."
He did not answer until they had walked some distance; then he asked
meaningly, "Has it come to that? Eh? What?"
"Yes, it has come to that."
"I am very glad it isn't you. And I'm nettled at myself for ever showing
him a road to slight you, Charlotte."
"If there is any slight between Julius and me, father, I gave it; for he
asked me to marry him, and I plainly told him no."
"Hear--you--but. I _am_ glad. You refused him? Come, come, that's a bit
of pleasure I would have given a matter of five pounds to have known a
day or two since. It would have saved me a few good ratings. Eh? What?"
"Why, father! Who has been rating you?"
"Myself, to be sure. You can't think what set-downs I have given William
Sandal. Do you mind telling me about that refusal, Charlotte? Eh? What?"
"Not a bit. It was in the harvest-field. He said he loved me, and I told
him gentlemen did not talk that way to girls who had never given them
the least encouragement; and I said I did not love him, and never, never
could love him. I was very firm, father, perhaps a little bit cross; for
I did not like the way he spoke. I don't think he admires me at all now."
"I dare be bound he doesn't. 'Firm and a little bit cross.' It wouldn't
be a nice five minutes for Julius. He sets a deal of store by himself;"
and then, as if he thought it was his duty not to show too much
gratification, he added, "I hope you were very civil, Charlotte. A good
asker should have a good nay-say. And you refused him? Well, I _am_
pleased. Mother never heard tell of it? Eh? What?"
"Oh, no; I have told no one but you. At the long end you always get at
my secrets, father."
"We've had a goodish few together,--fishing secrets, and such like; but
I must tell mother this one, eh? She _will_ go on about it. In the
harvest-field, was it? I understand now why he walked himself off a day
or two before the set day. And he is all for Sophia now, is he? Well, I
shouldn't wonder if Sophia will 'best' him a little on every side. You
_have_ given me a turn, Charlotte. I didn't think of a son-in-law
yet,--not just yet. Dear me! How life does go on! Ever since the
sheep-shearing it has been running away with me. Life is a road on which
there is no turning round, Charlotte. Oh, if there only were! If you
could just run back to where you made the wrong turning! If you could
only undo things that you have done! Eh? What?"
"Not even God can make what has been, not to have been. When a thing is
done, if it is only the taking of a walk, the walk is taken to all
eternity."
At the word "eternity," they stood on the brow of the hill which they
had been climbing, and the squire said it again very solemnly.
"Eternity! How dreadful to spend it in repentance which can undo
nothing! That is the most awful conception of the word 'eternity.' Eh?
What?"
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