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Page 24
How often have I reflected on the Happiness of my dear Country, in that
Liberty there enjoy'd, where none are oppress'd by Force, or allured by
Bribes, to give up their native Freedom; where a self-interested and
designing Minister is sure to answer for his Administration to a
Parliament freely chosen, consisting of Gentlemen of publick Spirits,
Honour, known Probity and Wisdom; whose Fortunes put them above a
servile Dependence; who have an Eye to nothing but the publick Good, and
exact from the Ministers a just Account of the _Publick Treasure_! When
I have seen the Fowl of Honour thrust out to make Place for a Sycophant,
Court paid to Pandars and lewd Hens, and no Posts disposed of, but thro'
the Interest of Lust; how often, _Britain_, have I congratulated thy
Happiness, where Virtue is rewarded, Vice discountenanc'd and punish'd;
where the Man of Merit is provided for, and not oblig'd to pay a
Levee to the kept Mistress of a Statesman; and where the Ignorant,
Pusillanimous, and Vicious, however distinguish'd by Birth and Fortune,
are held in Contempt, and never admitted to publick Employment!
When among the _Cacklogallinians_ Taxes are laid, the Money is brought
into the publick Treasury, of which the Minister keeps the Keys: He lets
this Money out upon Pawns, at an exorbitant Interest. If an inferior
Agent is to pass his Accounts, he must share the Pillage with the
Minister, and some few Heads of the Grand Council. I knew one paid him
Three Hundred Thousand _Rackfantassines_, equal to a Hundred Thousand
Pounds Sterling, which he computed was about one Third of his
Acquisition; and Birds of most abandon'd Reputations are sometimes put
into Places of Profit, which, like Spunges, suck all they can, and are
easily squeezed again.
As to their Trade, they have, of late Years, lost some of the most
advantageous Parts of it to the _Cormorants_, which perhaps might be
brought about by several that were _Cormorants_ by Birth, who found
Means of working themselves into the Management of their publick
Affairs. They seem to endeavour all they can, (for what Policy I know
not) to encourage the young _Cacklogallinian_ Nobility and Gentry, in
a Contempt of Religion, and in all Debauchery, perhaps to render them
supine and thoughtless; and bringing them up without Principle, they may
be fit Tools to work the enslaving their Country.
They are extremely severe in their military Discipline: A Soldier, for a
trifling Fault, shall have all the Feathers stripp'd off his Back, and a
corroding Plaister clapp'd on, which will eat to the Bones in a small
Space of Time. For a capital Crime, every one in the Regiment is ordered
to peck him as he's ty'd to a Post, till he dies. I have seen one who
was condemn'd to this Death have Part of his Entrails torn out of his
Side in a few Pecks.
Whoever speaks against the Ministry, is purged or vomited so severely,
that he sometimes dies. Even Want of Complaisance to any menial Servant
of a Minister, is esteem'd an Affront to his Master, and punish'd by a
Year's Imprisonment; but a Slight put on any of the _Squabbaws_, is so
heinous, that the Offender is punish'd, as for the highest Scandal.
Sometimes it has happened, that Persons Question'd and Convicted for
Fraud, Bribery, or other Crimes, by some Turn of Fortune having better'd
their Circumstances, have afterwards been raised to Posts of Honour and
Trust, and afterwards growing more wealthy, have been look'd upon with
the same Esteem as the most worthy. I've known a Sharper, who could
neither write nor read, made a _Battano_, in _English_, a Judge
Advocate; and what rais'd him was his Dexterity at _Gestaro_, which
is like the Play our School-boys divert themselves with, call'd
_Hussle-cap_.
Tho' they have a Standing Army, yet the _Cacklogallinians_ are all
inlisted, and obliged to serve (in case of an Invasion) without Pay.
They have no fortify'd Places, they being look'd upon as a Refuge for
Malecontents, except only the imperial Palace. The Reader may wonder how
any Place can be fortified against those who can fly over the highest
Walls; I must therefore inform him, that their strong Holds have all the
open Places cover'd with Canvass stretch'd from Side to Side; upon which
is strew'd an Herb so venemous, that, in six Hours after it has been
expos'd to the Sun, it emits so pestiferous a Stench, that no Fowl can
approach it by many Yards, but what will fall dead; and this Stench, by
the Effluvia mounting, is no way offensive to those below. This is the
Reason their Sieges are rather Blockades, and no fortify'd Town was ever
taken but by starving. For tho' I have said, the _Cacklogallinians_ have
no such, yet their Neighbours have this Canvass, and Plenty of the Herb
in and about most of their Towns, and can, in Twenty four Hours, put
them in a Posture of Defence.
Upon the Decease of any Party, his Estate goes to the eldest of his
Children, whether Male or Female; for the others, the Cocks are put into
the Army, or to Trades; the Hens are married to the next Relations, who
are obliged to take them, or allow them a Pension for Life, according to
their Quality. Polygamy is forbid, tho' universally practised among the
better Sort. There were publick Colleges erected for the Education and
Provision of poor Chickens; but as there is a strong Party, which takes
them to be of ill Consequence; they are discountenanc'd so much, that it
is thought they must fall some time or other.
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