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Page 6
_Mysterious Incident._
It was the wedding day of Mr. and Mrs. Terry, (I mean the _actual_,
not the anniversary wedding-day,) and the jocund bridegroom, bride, and
their guests were assembled about noon in the drawing-room, when a
servant entered, and said a gentleman had called, and wished to speak to
Mr. T.; that he was waiting below stairs, and would not come up, because
he came upon very particular business. Mr. Terry, desiring his company
to excuse him for a few minutes, quitted the room. One hour elapsed--no
bridegroom; two hours--he did not appear;--three--four--he was not
returned: the bride's mind misgave her, and the hymeneal guests were
quite alarmed: the servants declared that they had seen their master and
the gentleman walk into the garden, from whence they were not returned.
Now, a high brick wall, in which there was no outlet, and over which no
person could climb except by a ladder, enclosed the garden, which, when
searched, was empty, whilst, at the same time, Mr. Terry and his
_friend_, "_the gentleman_," could not have walked out at the
hall-door without being, from its situation, seen and heard by the
servants in the kitchen. Time fled--and he did not return--no!--and
although his lady lived to be nearly ninety years of age, she
_never_ gained tidings again of the spouse, thus so mysteriously
spirited away!
_Raising the Wind._
The superstitions of sailors are not few, as those assert who are
conversant in maritime affairs. Amongst others, is the custom, pretty
well known, of _whistling for a wind_. A gentleman told me, that, on his
first voyage, being then very young, and ignorant of sea usages, he was
in the habit of walking the deck a great deal, "and whistling as he
went," perhaps "for want of thought"--perhaps for lack of something
better to do. Shortly, he fancied that the captain of the vessel seemed
not a little annoyed whenever this took place, although he kept a
respectful silence upon the subject. At length Mr. ---- resolved to
speak to him himself: and, accordingly, one day, when it blew a pretty
brisk gale, said, "I observe, captain, that you appear particularly
uneasy whenever I whistle."--"To say the truth, sir, I _am_ just _now_,"
replied he. "On a fair, still day, whistle as much as you please; but,
when there is a wind like this, _we don't like to have any more
called._"--_New London Literary Gaz._
* * * * *
THE SELECTOR
AND
LITERARY NOTICES OF
_NEW WORKS._
* * * * *
A PHILOSOPHICAL KITCHEN.
A romantic and ludicrous novel has just appeared, entitled "The Mummy,
or Tale of the Twenty-second Century," exhibiting some of the probable
results of "the march of intellect;" and of the pungency of its satire
the following is a fair specimen, describing a kitchen in the
twenty-second century:--
When Dr. Entwerfen left the breakfast-room of Lord Gustavus, which he
did not do till a considerable time after the rest of the party had
quitted it, he was so absorbed in meditation, that he did not know
exactly which way he was going; and, happening unfortunately to turn to
the right when he should have gone to the left, to his infinite surprise
he found himself in the kitchen instead of his own study. Absent as the
doctor was, however, his attention was soon roused by the scene before
him. Being, like many of his learned brotherhood, somewhat of a
gourmand, his indignation was violently excited by finding the cook
comfortably asleep on a sofa on one side of the room, whilst the meat
intended for dinner, a meal it was then the fashion to take about noon,
was as comfortably resting itself from its toils on the other. The
chemical substitute for fire, which ought to have cooked it, having gone
out, and the cook's nap precluding all reasonable expectation of its
re-illumination, the doctor's wrath was kindled, though the fire was
not, and in a violent rage he seized the gentle Celestina's shoulder,
and and shook her till she woke. "Where am I?" exclaimed she, opening
her eyes. "Any where but where you ought to be," cried the doctor, in a
fury. "Look, hussy! look at that fine joint of meat, lying quite cold
and sodden in its own steam." "Dear me!" returned Celestina, yawning,
"I am really quite unfortunate to-day! An unlucky accident has already
occurred to a leg of mutton which was to have formed part of to-day's
aliments, and now this piece of beef is also destroyed. I am afraid
there will be nothing for dinner but some mucilaginous saccharine
vegetables, and they, most probably, will be boiled to a viscous
consistency." "And what excuse can you offer for all this?" exclaimed
the doctor, his voice trembling with passion. "It was unavoidable;"
replied Celestina, coolly; "whilst I was copying a cast from the Apollo
Belvidere this morning, having unguardedly applied too much caloric to
the vessel containing the leg of mutton, the aqueous fluid in which it
was immersed evaporated, and the viand became completely calcinated.
Whilst the other affair--" "Hush, hush!" interrupted the doctor; "I
cannot bear to hear you mention it. Oh, surely Job himself never
suffered such a trial of his patience! In fact, _his_ troubles were
scarcely worth mentioning, for he was never cursed with learned
servants!" Saying this, the doctor retired, lamenting his hard fate in
not having been born in those halcyon days when cooks drew nothing but
their poultry; whilst the gentle Celestina's breast panted with
indignation at his complaint. An opportunity soon offered for revenge;
and seeing the doctor's steam valet ready to be carried to its master's
chamber, she treacherously applied a double portion of caloric; in
consequence of which, the machine burst whilst in the act of brushing
the doctor's coat collar, and by discharging the whole of the scalding
water contained in its cauldron upon him, reduced him to a melancholy
state.
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