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Page 4
THE RECORD OF A QUAKER CONSCIENCE
At Burlington, Vt., on the 13th of the seventh month, 1863, I was
drafted. Pleasant are my recollections of the 14th. Much of that rainy
day I spent in my chamber, as yet unaware of my fate; in writing and
reading and in reflecting to compose my mind for any event. The day and
the exercise, by the blessing of the Father, brought me precious
reconciliation to the will of Providence.
With ardent zeal for our Faith and the cause of our peaceable
principles; and almost disgusted at the lukewarmness and unfaithfulness
of very many who profess these; and considering how heavily slight
crosses bore upon their shoulders, I felt to say, "Here am I, Father,
for thy service. As thou will." May I trust it was He who called me and
sent me forth with the consolation: "My grace is sufficient for thee."
Deeply have I felt many times since that I am nothing without the
companionship of the Spirit.
I was to report on the 27th. Then, loyal to our country, Wm. Lindley
Dean and I appeared before the Provost Marshal with a statement of our
cases. We were ordered for a hearing on the 29th. On the afternoon of
that day W.L.D. was rejected upon examination of the Surgeon, but my
case not coming up, he remained with me,--much to my strength and
comfort. Sweet was his converse and long to be remembered, as we lay
together that warm summer night on the straw of the barracks. By his
encouragement much was my mind strengthened; my desires for a pure life,
and my resolutions for good. In him and those of whom he spoke I saw
the abstract beauty of Quakerism. On the next morning came Joshua M.
Dean to support me and plead my case before the Board of Enrollment. On
the day after, the 31st, I came before the Board. Respectfully those men
listened to the exposition of our principles; and, on our representing
that we looked for some relief from the President, the marshal released
me for twenty days. Meanwhile appeared Lindley M. Macomber and was
likewise, by the kindness of the marshal, though they had received
instructions from the Provost Marshal General to show such claims no
partiality, released to appear on the 20th day of the eighth month.
All these days we were urged by our acquaintances to pay our commutation
money; by some through well-meant kindness and sympathy; by others
through interest in the war; and by others still through a belief they
entertained it was our duty. But we confess a higher duty than that to
country; and, asking no military protection of our Government and
grateful for none, deny any obligation to support so unlawful a system,
as we hold a war to be even when waged in opposition to an evil and
oppressive power and ostensibly in defence of liberty, virtue, and free
institutions; and, though touched by the kind interest of friends, we
could not relieve their distress by a means we held even more sinful
than that of serving ourselves, as by supplying money to hire a
substitute we would not only be responsible for the result, but be the
agents in bringing others into evil. So looking to our Father alone for
help, and remembering that "Whoso loseth his life for my sake shall find
it; but whoso saveth it shall lose it," we presented ourselves again
before the Board, as we had promised to do when released. Being offered
four days more of time, we accepted it as affording opportunity to
visit our friends; and moreover as there would be more probability of
meeting Peter Dakin at Rutland.
Sweet was the comfort and sympathy of our friends as we visited them.
There was a deep comfort, as we left them, in the thought that so many
pure and pious people follow us with their love and prayers. Appearing
finally before the marshal on the 24th, suits and uniforms were selected
for us, and we were called upon to give receipts for them. L.M.M. was on
his guard, and, being first called upon, declared he could not do so, as
that would imply acceptance. Failing to come to any agreement, the
matter was postponed till next morning, when we certified to the fact
that the articles were "with us." Here I must make record of the
kindness of the marshal, Rolla Gleason, who treated us with respect and
kindness. He had spoken with respect of our Society; had given me
furloughs to the amount of twenty-four days, when the marshal at Rutland
considered himself restricted by his oath and duty to six days; and here
appeared in person to prevent any harsh treatment of us by his
sergeants; and though much against his inclinations, assisted in putting
on the uniform with his own hands. We bade him farewell with grateful
feelings and expressions of fear that we should not fall into as tender
hands again; and amid the rain in the early morning, as the town clock
tolled the hour of seven, we were driven amongst the flock that was
going forth to the slaughter, down the street and into the cars for
Brattleboro. Dark was the day with murk and cloud and rain; and, as we
rolled down through the narrow vales of eastern Vermont, somewhat of the
shadow crept into our hearts and filled them with dark apprehensions of
evil fortune ahead; of long, hopeless trials; of abuse from inferior
officers; of contempt from common soldiers; of patient endurance (or an
attempt at this), unto an end seen only by the eye of a strong faith.
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