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Page 15
The privations I have endured since leaving home, the great tax upon my
nervous strength, and my mind as well, since I have had charge of our
extensive correspondence, are beginning to tell upon my health and I
long for rest.
_20th._ We begin to feel we shall have to decline service as
heretofore, unless our position is changed. I shall not say but we
submit too much in not declining at once, but it has seemed most prudent
at least to make suit with Government rather than provoke the hostility
of their subalterns. We were ordered here with little understanding of
the true state of things as they really exist here; and were advised by
Friends to come and make no objections, being assured it was but for a
very brief time and only a matter of form. It might not have been wrong;
but as we find we do too much fill the places of soldiers (L.M.M.'s
fellow fireman has just left for the field, and I am to take his place,
for instance), and are clearly doing military service, we are
continually oppressed by a sense of guilt, that makes our struggles
earnest.
_21st._--I.N. has not called yet; our situation is becoming almost
intolerable. I query if patience is justified under the circumstances.
My distress of mind may be enhanced by my feeble condition of health,
for today I am confined to my bed, almost too weak to get downstairs.
This is owing to exposure after being heated over the furnaces.
_26th._--Though a week has gone by, and my cold has left me, I find I am
no better, and that I am reduced very low in strength and flesh by the
sickness and pain I am experiencing. Yet I still persist in going below
once a day. The food I am able to get is not such as is proper.
_11th_ mo., _5th._--I spend most of my time on my bed, much of it alone.
And very precious to me is the nearness unto the Master I am favoured to
attain to. Notwithstanding my situation and state, I am happy in the
enjoyment of His consolations. Lately my confidence has been strong, and
I think I begin to feel that our patience is soon to be rewarded with
relief; insomuch that a little while ago, when dear P.D. was almost
overcome with sorrow, I felt bold to comfort him with the assurance of
my belief, that it would not be long so. My mind is too weak to allow of
my reading much; and, though I enjoy the company of my companions a part
of the time, especially in the evening, I am much alone; which affords
me abundant time for meditation and waiting upon God. The fruits of this
are sweet, and a recompense for affliction.
_6th._--Last evening E.W.H. saw I.N. particularly on my behalf, I
suppose. He left at once for the President. This morning he called to
inform us of his interview at the White House. The President was moved
to sympathy in my behalf, when I.N. gave him a letter from one of our
Friends in New York. After its perusal he exclaimed to our friend, "I
want you to go and tell Stanton that it is my wish all those young men
be sent home at once." He was on his way to the Secretary this morning
as he called.
Later. I.N. has just called again informing us in joy that we are free.
At the War Office he was urging the Secretary to consent to our paroles,
when the President entered. "It is my urgent wish," said he. The
Secretary yielded; the order was given, and we were released. What we
had waited for so many weeks was accomplished in a few moments by a
Providential ordering of circumstances.
_7th._--I.N. came again last evening bringing our paroles. The
preliminary arrangements are being made, and we are to start this
afternoon for New York.
_Note._ Rising from my sick-bed to undertake this journey, which lasted
through the night, its fatigues overcame me, and upon my arrival in New
York I was seized with delirium from which I only recovered after many
weeks, through the mercy and favour of Him, who in all this trial had
been our guide and strength and comfort.
THE END
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
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