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Page 4
_Joe_ (_with phlegm_). That's wheer th' old 'orse gits the larf on ye,
that is!
_Showman._ We will now pass on to the Exhibition. 'Ere (_indicating
a pair of lop-sided Orientals in nondescript attire_) we 'ave two
life-sized models of the Japanese villagers who caused so much
sensation in London on account o' their peculiar features--you will
easily reckernise the female by her bein' the ugliest one o' the two.
(_Compassionate titters from the Spectators._) I will now call your
attention to a splendid group, taken from English 'Istry, and set in
motion by powerful machinery, repperesentin' the Parting Interview
of CHARLES THE FIRST with his fam'ly. (_Rolls up a painted canvas
curtain, and reveals the Monarch seated, with the Duke of GLOUCESTER
on his knee, surrounded by OLIVER CROMWELL, and as many Courtiers,
Guards, and Maids of Honour as can be accommodated in the limited
space._) I will wind up the machinery and the unfortunate King will be
seen in the act of bidding his fam'ly ajew for ever in this world.
[_CHARLES begins to click solemnly and move his head by
progressive jerks to the right, while the Little Duke
moves his simultaneously to the left, and a Courtier in the
background is so affected by the scene that he points with
respectful sympathy at nothing; the Spectators do not commit
themselves to any comments._
_Showman_ (_concluding a quotation from MARKHAM_). "And the little
Dook, with the tears a-standin' in 'is heyes, replies, 'I will be tore
in pieces fust!'" Other side, please! No, Mum, the lady in mournin'
_ain't_ the beautiful but ill-fated MARY, Queen o' Scots--it's Mrs.
MAYBRICK, now in confinement for poisonin' her 'usban', and the figger
close to her is the MAHDI, or False Prophet. In the next case we
'ave a subject selected from Ancient Roman 'Istry, bein' the story
of ANDROCLES, the Roman Slave, as he appeared when, escaping from his
crule owners, he entered a cave and found a lion which persented 'im
with 'is bleedin' paw. After some 'esitation, ANDROCLES examined the
paw, as repperesented before you. (_Winds the machinery up, whereupon
the lion opens his lower jaw and emits a mild bleat, while ANDROCLES
turns his head from side to side in bland surprise._) This lion is
the largest forestbred and blackmaned specimen ever imported into
this country--the _other_ lion standing beyind (_disparagingly_), has
nothing whatever to do with the tableau, 'aving been shot recently in
Africa by Mr. STANLEY, the two figgers at the side repperesent the
Boy Murderers who killed their own father at Crewe with a 'atchet and
other 'orrible barbarities. I shall conclude the Collection by showing
you the magnificent group repperesentin' Her Gracious Majisty the
QUEEN, as she appeared in 'er 'appier and younger days, surrounded by
the late Mr. SPURGEON, the 'Eroes of the Soudan, and other Members of
the Royal Fam'ly.
INSIDE THE CIRCUS.
_After some tight-rope, juggling, and boneless performances
have been given in the very limited arena, the Clown has
introduced the Learned Pony._
_Clown._ Now, little Pony, go round the Company and pick me out the
little boy as robs the Farmer's orchard.
[_The Pony trots round, and thrusts his nose confidently into
a Small Boy's face._
_Small Boy_ (_indignantly_). Ye're a _liar_, Powney; so theer!
_Clown._ Now, see if you can find me the little gal as steals her
mother's jam and sugar. Look sharp now, don't stand there playin' with
yer bit!
_A Little Girl_ (_penitently, as the Accusing Quadruped halts in front
of her_). Oh, please, Pony, I won't never do it no more!
_Clown._ Now go round and pick me out the Young Man as is fond o'
kissin' the girls and married ladies when their 'usbands is out o' the
way. (_The Pony stops before an Infant in Arms._) 'Ere, think what
yer _doin'_ now. You don't mean _'im_, do you? (_The Pony shakes his
head._) Is it the Young Man standin' just beyind as is fond o' kissin
the girls? (_The Pony nods._) Ah, I thought so!
_The Rustic Lothario_ (_with a broad grin_). It's quoite tri-ew!
_Clown._ Now I want you, little Pony, to go round and tell me who's
the biggest rogue in the company. (_Reassuringly, as the Pony goes
round, and a certain uneasiness is perceptible among some of the
spectators_). I 'ope no Gentleman 'ere will be offended by
bein' singled out, for no offence is intended,--it is merely a
'armless--(_Finds the Pony at his elbow._) Why, you rascal! do you
mean to say _I'm_ the biggest rogue 'ere? (_The Pony nods._) You've
been round, and can't find a bigger rogue than me in all this company?
(_Emphatic shake of the head from Pony; secret relief of inner circle
of Spectators._) You and me'll settle this later!
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