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Page 92
"And you hadn't ordered anything of the kind," said poppa.
"Ordered it? I hadn't even seen it! Well, I didn't lose my temper. I
took the document down to the office and asked to have it explained to
me. The explanation was that it cost the hotel a large sum of money. I
said I guessed it did, and it was also probably expensive to get hot and
cold water laid on, but I didn't see any mention of that in the bill,
though I used the hot and cold water, and didn't use the illumination."
"That's so," said poppa.
"Well, then the fellow said it was done all on my account, or words to
that effect, and that it was a beautiful illumination and worth twice
the money, and as it was the rule of the hotel he'd have to trouble me
for the price of it."
"Did you oblige him?" asked poppa.
"Yes, I did. I hated to awfully, but you never can tell where the law
will land you in a foreign country, especially when you can't converse
with the judge, and I don't expect any stranger could get justice in
Schaffhausen against an hotel anyway. But I sent for my party's trunks,
and we moved--down there to that little thing like a castle overhanging
the Falls. It was a castle once, I believe, but it's a deception now,
for they've turned it into an hotel."
"Find it comfortable there?" inquired the Senator.
"Well, I'm telling you. Pretty comfortable. You could sit in the garden
and get as wet as you liked from the spray, and no extra charge; and if
you wanted to eat apricots at the same time they only cost you a franc
apiece. So when I saw how moderate they were every way, I didn't think
I'd have any trouble about the illumination, specially as I heard that
the three hotels which compose Schaffhausen subscribed to run the
electric plant, and I'd already helped one hotel with its subscription."
"When did you move in here?" asked poppa.
"I am coming to that. Well, I saw the show that night. I happened to be
on an outside balcony when it came off, and I couldn't help seeing it. I
wouldn't let myself out so far as to enjoy it, for fear it might
prejudice me later, but I certainly looked on. You can't keep your eyes
shut for three-quarters of an hour for the sake of a principle valued at
a franc a head."
"I expect you had to pay," said poppa.
"You're so impatient. I looked coldly on, and between the different
coloured acts I made a calculation of the amount the hotel opposite was
losing by its extortion. I took considerable satisfaction in doing it.
You can get excited over a little thing like that just as much as if it
were the entire Monroe Doctrine; and I couldn't sleep, hardly, that
night for thinking of the things I'd say to the hotel clerk if the
illumination item decorated the bill next day. Cut myself shaving in the
morning over it--thing I never do. Well, there it was--'_Illumination de
la chute de la Rhin_,' same old French story, a franc apiece."
"I thought, somehow, from what you've been saying, that it _would_ be
there," remarked the Senator patiently.
"Well, sir, I tried to control myself, but I guess the clerk would tell
you I was pretty wild. There wasn't an argument I didn't use. I threw as
many lights on the situation as they did on the Falls. I asked him how
it would be if a person preferred his Falls plain? I told him I paid
him board and lodging for what Schaffhausen could show me, not for what
I could show Schaffhausen. I used the words 'pillage,' 'outrage,' and
other unmistakable terms, and I spoke of communicating the matter to the
American Consul at Berne."
"And after that?" inquired the Senator.
"Oh, it wasn't any use. After that I paid, and moved. Moved right up
here, this morning. But I thought about it a good deal on the way, and
concluded that, if I wasn't prepared to sample every hotel within ten
miles of this cataract for the sake of not being imposed upon, I'd have
to take up a different attitude. So I walked up to the manager the
minute we arrived, fierce as an Englishman--beg your pardon, Squire
Mafferton, but the British _have_ a ferocious way with hotel managers,
as a rule. I didn't mean anything personal--and said to him exactly as
if it was my hotel, and he was merely stopping in it, 'Sir,' I said, 'I
understand that the guests of this hotel are allowed to subscribe to an
electric illumination of the Falls of the Rhine. You may put me down for
ten francs. Now I'm prepared, for the first time, to appreciate the
evening's entertainment."
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