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Page 23
It was then that the serious man demonstrated that Britons, even the
North American kind, never, never would be slaves. Placing his black
silk hat carefully a little further back on his head, he leaned forward.
"Now look here, mister," he said, "you're as personal as a Yankee
newspaper. So far as I know, you're not the friend of my childhood, nor
the companion of my later years, except for this trip only, and I'd just
as soon you realised it. As far as I know, you're paid to point out
objects of historical interest. Don't you trouble to entertain us any
further than that. We'll excuse you!"
"Ladies--an' genelmen," continued the guide calmly, "in a lil' short
while we shall be approached to the town of St. Cloud. At that town of
St. Cloud will be one genelman will take the excellen' group--fotograff.
To appear in that fotograff, you will please all keep together with me.
Afterwards, you will look at the fountains, at the magnificent panorama
de Paris, and we go on to Versailles. On the return journey, if you like
that fotograff you can buy, if you don't like, you don' buy. An' if you
got no wife an' no sweetheart all the same you keep your temper!"
But Mr. Pabbley had settled his hat in its normal position and did not
intend to clear his brow for action again. All might have gone well, had
it not been for the patriotic sensitiveness of Mr. Hinkson of Iowa.
"I think I heard you pass a remark about American newspapers, sir," said
Mr Hinkson of Iowa. "Think you've got any better in Canada?"
Mr. Pabbley smiled. There may have been some fancied superiority in the
smile.
"I guess they suit us better," he said.
"Got any circulation figures about you?"
"Not being an advertising agent, I don't carry them."
"I see!" Mr. Hinkson's manner of saying he saw clearly implied that
there might have been other reasons why Mr. Pabbley declined to produce
those figures. We were all listening now, and the guide had subsided
upon the box seat. The Senator's face wore the judicial expression it
always assumes when he has a difficulty in keeping himself out of the
conversation. It became easier than ever to separate the Republican and
the British elements on that coach.
"Well," said Mr. Hinkson, "don't you folks get pretty tired of paying
Victoria taxes sometimes?"
The British contingent seemed to find this amusing. The Americans looked
as if it were no laughing matter.
"I don't believe Her Majesty is much the richer for all she gets out of
us," said Mr. Pabbley.
"Oh, I guess you send over a pretty good lump per annum, don't you?"
"Not a red cent, sir," said Mr. Pabbley decisively. "We run our own
show."
"What about that aristocrat that rules the country up at Ottawa?"
"Oh, _he_ hasn't got any say! We get him out and pay him a salary to
save ourselves the trouble of electing a president. A presidential
election's bad for business, bad for politics, bad for morals."
"You seem to know. Doesn't it ever make you tired to hear yourselves
called subjects? Don't you ever want to be free and equal, like us?
Trot out the truth now--the George Washington article!"
"Mister," said Mr. Pabbley, "I flatter myself that Canadians are a good
deal like United States folks already, and I don't mind congratulating
both our nations on the resemblance. But I'm bound to add that, while I
would wish to imitate the American people in many ways still further, I
wouldn't be like you personally, no, not under any circumstances nor in
any respect."
At this moment it was necessary to dismount, and, as poppa and I both
immediately became engaged in reconciling momma to the necessity of
walking to the top of the plateau, I lost the rest of the conversation.
Momma, when it was necessary to walk anywhere, always became pathetic
and offered to stay behind alone. She declared on this occasion that she
would be perfectly happy in the coach with the dear horses, and poppa
had to resort to extreme measures. "Please yourself, Augusta," he said.
"Your lightest whim is law to me, and you know it. But I'm going to hate
standing up in that photograph all alone with my only child, like any
widower."
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