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Page 67
And at that we gave up all speech, and only our thoughts sprang together
and intertwined, like two children that clasp each other close in a
burning house, when the smoke comes volleying from the door.
We were coming now to what looked like a ridge of rocks ahead of us; and
I saw here a wonderful thing, a great light of incredible pureness and
whiteness, which struck upwards from the farther side. This began to
light up our own pale faces, and to throw our backs into a dark shadow,
even though the radiance of the heavenly day was all about us. And at
last we came to the place.
It was the edge of a precipice so vast, so stupendous, that no word can
even dimly describe its depth; it was all illuminated with incredible
clearness by the light which struck upwards from below. It was
absolutely sheer, great pale cliffs of white stone running downwards
into the depth. To left and right the precipice ran, with an irregular
outline, so that one could see the cliff-fronts gleam how many millions
of leagues below! There seemed no end to it. But at a certain point far
down in the abyss the light seemed stronger and purer. I was at first so
amazed by the sight that I gazed in silence. Then a dreadful dizziness
came over me, and I felt Amroth's hand put round me to sustain me. Then
in a faint whisper, that was almost inaudible, Amroth, pointing with his
finger downwards, said:
"Watch that place where the light seems clearest."
I did so. Suddenly there came, as from the face of the cliff, a thing
like a cloudy jet of golden steam. It passed out into the clear air,
shaping itself in strange and intricate curves; then it grew darker in
colour, hung for an instant like a cloud of smoke, and then faded into
the sky.
"What is that?" I said, surprised out of my terror.
"I may tell you that," said Amroth, "that you may know what you see.
There is no time here; and you have seen a universe made, and live its
life, and die. You have seen the worlds created. That cloud of whirling
suns, each with its planets, has taken shape before your eyes; life has
arisen there, has developed; men like ourselves have lived, have
wrestled with evil, have formed states, have died and vanished. That is
all but a single thought of God."
Another came, and then another of the golden jets, each fading into
darkness and dispersing.
"And now," said Amroth, "the moment has come. You are to make the last
sacrifice of the soul. Do not shrink back, fear nothing. Leap into the
abyss!"
The thought fell upon me with an infinity and an incredulity of horror
that I cannot express in words. I covered my eyes with my hands.
"Oh, I cannot, I cannot," I said; "anything but this! God be merciful;
let me go rather to some infinite place of torment where at least I may
feel myself alive. Do not ask this of me!"
Amroth made no answer, and I saw that he was regarding me fixedly,
himself pale to the lips; but with a touch of anger and even of
contempt, mixed with a world of compassion and love. There was something
in this look which seemed to entreat me mutely for my own sake and his
own to act. I do not know what the impulse was that came to
me--self-contempt, trust, curiosity, the yearning of love. I closed my
eyes, I took a faltering step, and stumbled, huddling and aghast, over
the edge. The air flew up past me with a sort of shriek; I opened my
eyes once, and saw the white cliffs speeding past. Then an
unconsciousness came over me and I knew no more.
XXXIII
I came to myself very gradually and dimly, with no recollection at first
of what had happened. I was lying on my back on some soft grassy place,
with the air blowing cool over me. I thought I saw Amroth bending over
me with a look of extraordinary happiness, and felt his arm about me;
but again I became unconscious, yet all the time with a blissfulness of
repose and joy, far beyond what I had experienced at my first waking on
the sunlit sea. Again life dawned upon me. I was there, I was myself.
What had happened to me? I could not tell. So I lay for a long time half
dreaming and half swooning; till at last life seemed to come back
suddenly to me, and I sat up. Amroth was holding me in his arms close to
the spot from which I had sprung.
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