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Page 23
The mist closed suddenly in upon the scene, and we were back in a moment
in the garden with its porticoes, in the radiant, untroubled air. Amroth
looked at me with a smile that was full, half of gaiety and half of
tenderness. "There," he said, "what do you think of that? If all had
gone well with me, as they say on earth, that is where I should be now,
going down to the city with Charles. That is the prospect which to the
dear old people seems so satisfactory compared with this! In that house
I lay ill for some weeks, and from there my body was carried out. And
they would have kept me there if they could--and I myself did not want
to go. I was afraid. Oh, how I envied Charles going down to the city
and coming back for tea, to read the magazines aloud or play backgammon.
I am afraid I was not as nice as I should have been about all that--the
evenings were certainly dull!"
"But what do you feel about it now?" I said. "Don't you feel sorry for
the muddle and ignorance and pathos of it all? Can't something be done
to show everybody what a ghastly mistake it is, to get so tied down to
the earth and the things of earth?"
"A mistake?" said Amroth. "There is no such thing as a mistake. One
cannot sorrow for their grief, any more than one can sorrow for the
child who cries out in the tunnel and clasps his mother's hand. Don't
you see that their grief and loss is the one beautiful thing in those
lives, and all that it is doing for them, drawing them hither? Why, that
is where we grow and become strong, in the hopeless suffering of love. I
am glad and content that my own stay was made so brief. I wish it could
be shortened for the three--and yet I do not, because they will gain so
wonderfully by it. They are mounting fast; it is their very ignorance
that teaches them. Not to know, not to perceive, but to be forced to
believe in love, that is the point."
"Yes," I said, "I see that; but what about the lives that are broken and
poisoned by grief, in a stupor of pain--or the souls that do not feel it
at all, except as a passing shadow--what about them?"
"Oh," said Amroth lightly, "the sadder the dream the more blessed the
awakening; and as for those who cannot feel--well, it will all come to
them, as they grow older."
"Yes," I said, "it has done me good to see all this--it makes many
things plain; but can you bear to leave them thus?"
"Leave them!" said Amroth. "Who knows but that I shall be sent to help
them away, and carry them, as I carried you, to the crystal sea of
peace? The darling mother, I shall be there at her awakening. They are
old spirits, those two, old and wise; and there is a high place
prepared for them."
"But what about Charles?" I said.
Amroth smiled. "Old Charles?" he said. "I must admit that he is not a
very stirring figure at present. He is much immersed in his game of
finance, and talks a great deal in his lighter moments about the
commercial prospects of the Empire and the need of retaliatory tariffs.
But he will outgrow all that! He is a very loyal soul, but not very
adventurous just now. He would be sadly discomposed by an affection
which came in between him and his figures. He would think he wanted a
change--and he will have a thorough one, the good old fellow, one of
these days. But he has a long journey before him."
"Well," I said, "there are some surprises here! I am afraid I am very
youthful yet."
"Yes, dear child, you are very ingenuous," said Amroth, "and that is a
great part of your charm. But we will find something for you to do
before long! But here comes Charmides, to talk about the need of
exquisite pulsations, and their symbolism--though I see a change in him
too. And now I must go back to business. Take care of yourself, and I
will be back to tea." And Amroth flashed away in a very cheerful mood.
XV
There were many things at that time that were full of mystery, things
which I never came to understand. There was in particular a certain sort
of people, whom one met occasionally, for whom I could never wholly
account. They were unlike others in this fact, that they never appeared
to belong to any particular place or community. They were both men and
women, who seemed--I can express it in no other way--to be in the
possession of a secret so great that it made everything else trivial and
indifferent to them. Not that they were impatient or contemptuous--it
was quite the other way; but to use a similitude, they were like
good-natured, active, kindly elders at a children's party. They did not
shun conversation, but if one talked with them, they used a kind of
tender and gentle irony, which had something admiring and complimentary
about it, which took away any sense of vexation or of baffled curiosity.
It was simply as though their concern lay elsewhere; they joined in
anything with a frank delight, not with any touch of condescension. They
were even more kindly and affectionate than others, because they did not
seem to have any small problems of their own, and could give their whole
attention and thought to the person they were with. These inscrutable
people puzzled me very much. I asked Amroth about them once.
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