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Page 20
Now as we went in the wood, the boy and I, it came into my mind in a
flash that I had seen a great secret. I had seen, I knew, very little of
the great land yet--and indeed I had been but in the lowest place of
all: and I thought how base and dull our ideas had been upon earth of
God and His care of men. We had thought of Him dimly as sweeping into
His place of torment and despair all poisoned and diseased lives, all
lives that had clung to the body and to the pleasures of the body, all
who had sinned idly, or wilfully, or proudly; and I saw now that He used
men far more wisely and lovingly than thus. Into this lowest place
indeed passed all sad, and diseased, and unhappy spirits: and instead of
being tormented or accursed, all was made delightful and beautiful for
them there, because they needed not harsh and rough handling, but care
and soft tendance. They were not to be frightened hence, or to live in
fear and anguish, but to live deliciously according to their wish, and
to be drawn to perceive in some quiet manner that all was not well with
them; they were to have their heart's desire, and learn that it could
not satisfy them; but the only thing that could draw them thence was the
love of some other soul whom they must pursue and find, if they could.
It was all so high and reasonable and just that I could not admire it
enough. I saw that the boy was drawn thence by the love of his little
sister, who was elsewhere; and that the love and loss of the boy would
presently draw the older pair to follow him and to leave the place of
heart's delight. And then I began to see that Cynthia and Charmides and
Lucius were being made ready, each at his own time, to leave their
little pleasures and ordered lives of happiness, and to follow
heavenwards in due course. Because it was made plain to me that it was
the love and worship of some other soul that was the constraining force;
but what the end would be I could not discern.
And now as we went through the wood, I began to feel a strange elation
and joy of spirit, severe and bracing, very different from my languid
and half-contented acquiescence in the place of beauty; and now the
woods began to change their kind; there were fewer forest trees now, but
bare heaths with patches of grey sand and scattered pines; and there
began to drift across the light a grey vapour which hid the delicate
hues and colours of the sunlight, and made everything appear pale and
spare. Very soon we came out on the brow of a low hill, and saw, all
spread out before us, a place which, for all its dulness and darkness,
had a solemn beauty of its own. There were great stone buildings very
solidly made, with high chimneys which seemed to stream with smoke; we
could see men, as small as ants, moving in and out of the buildings; it
seemed like a place of manufacture, with a busy life of its own. But
here I suddenly felt that I could go no further, but must return. I
hoped that I should see the grim place again, and I desired with all my
soul to go down into it, and see what eager life it was that was being
lived there. And the boy, I saw, felt this too, and was impatient to
proceed. So we said farewell with much tenderness, and the boy went down
swiftly across the moorland, till he met some one who was coming out of
the city, and conferred a little with him; and then he turned and waved
his hand to me, and I waved my hand from the brow of the hill, envying
him in my heart, and went back in sorrow into the sunshine of the wood.
And as I did so I had a great joy, because I saw Amroth come suddenly
running to me out of the wood, who put his arm through mine, and walked
with me. Then I told him of all I had seen and thought, while he smiled
and nodded and told me it was much as I imagined. "Yes," he said, "it is
even so. The souls you have seen in this fine country here are just as
children who are given their fill of pleasant things. Many of them have
come into the state in which you see them from no fault of their own,
because their souls are young and ignorant. They have shrunk from all
pain and effort and tedium, like a child that does not like his lessons.
There is no thought of punishment, of course. No one learns anything of
punishment except a cowardly fear. We never advance until we have the
will to advance, and there is nothing in mere suffering, unless we learn
to bear it gently for the sake of love. On earth it is not God but man
who is cruel. There is indeed a place of sorrow, which you will see when
you can bear the sight, where the self-righteous and the harsh go for a
time, and all those who have made others suffer because they believed in
their own justice and insight. You will find there all tyrants and
conquerors, and many rich men, who used their wealth heedlessly; and
even so you will be surprised when you see it. But those spirits are the
hardest of all to help, because they have loved nothing but their own
virtue or their own ambition; yet you will see how they too are drawn
thence; and now that you have had a sight of the better country, tell me
how you liked it."
"Why," I said, "it is plain and austere enough; but I felt a great
quickening of spirit, and a desire to join in the labours of the place."
Amroth smiled, and said, "You will have little share in that. You will
find your task, no doubt, when you are strong enough; and now you must
go back and make unwilling holiday with your pleasant friends, you have
not much longer to stay there; and surely"--he laughed as he spoke--"you
can endure a little more of those pretty concerts and charming talk of
art and its values and pulsations!"
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