The London-Bawd: With Her Character and Life by Anonymous


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Page 2

To this the Pimp thus replyed.

_Pimp._ Your run too fast, Mrs _Minx_, and are a little too Confident: For
tho 'tis my place to attend, yet 'tis I that give a Credit and Reputation
to all you do; I walk along the Streets so boldly, and so spruce, and so
all-to-be-sented with sweet Powder, cocking my Beaver and looking big, that
I make the greatest Gallant I meet give me the Wall, as if I were a Person
of Quality; And when any comes hither they are won by my complemental and
genteel Discourse; my comely presence brings in many a Guest into the
House, besides particular Acquaintance: So that I may well affirm I am the
Prop of the House. If I didn't introduce Gentleman into your Company, I
wonder what you'd do; you might e'en sit still, and be forc'd to make use
of a _Dildo_, before any Body would come to you if it wan't for me.

This Speech of the _Pimp_, stirr'd up the Fury of the _Pander_, who with a
great deal of heat made him this Answer.

_Pander._ Thou prating Cockscomb of a Pimp! Do'st think that I'm an
Underling to thee! No I'd have you to know I'm above thee: We'll quickly
try which is the most useful. An't I intrusted with all the Gentlemens
Secrets; Don't I keep the Door? Nay, been't I the Overseer of all? Sure
then I must be the better Man. Besides, I suit the Wenches with such
Gallants as are of their own Complexions, and are the best liking to 'em;
and in all difficult Cases which happen, they still ask my advice, for
giving which, I often get a double Fee. And if I stay at home, 'tis only to
make an Ass of thee whilst thou'rt abroad; for where thou get'st one
Shilling a Broad, I get Five at Home. If I shou'd go away, I am sure the
Custom wou'd quickly drop off; for I am the Person most respected by the
Customers, and therefore I think I have the best Title of you all to

Old Mother Damnable the Bawd having stood by all this while, and heard all
their Allegations, at last broke forth into a very great Laughter; and
after having given vent to her Risible Faculty, made em' this Answer.

_Bawd._ I can't chuse but laugh to hear the Fools prate about Preheminence:
They would all fain be Masters, and yet they know they are but all my
Servants; they make their Boast, of this and that, and talk of their great
gains: and forget that I rule the Roast, and that both their gains and
their very being here, depends upon my Pleasure: Pray Gentlemen, whose
House is this? I hope you look upon the House to be mine, and I am sure I
bought the Furniture. And yet you talk as if I had nothing to do here;
whereas you might all have gone a Begging before now, if I had not took you
into my Service. And you, Mrs. _Minx_ because you're a little handsome, you
begin to grow Proud and don't consider that if I had'nt prefer'd you to the
Station you are in, you must have been a Scullion-Wench, or gone to washing
and Scowring: Was'nt it I that bought you those fine Cloths, put you into
the Equipage you are in? Alas you were but a meer Novice in sinning till I
put you into the way, and taught you. You have forgot how bashful you were
at first, and how much ado I had to bring you to let a Gentleman take you
by the _Tu quoque_. And now I have brought you to something, that you can
get your own living, you begin to slite me.--And you Mr. _Pimp._ wa'n't you
a pitiful Rogue, till I took you into my Service? Pray who would have
regarded you in those Rags I found you in? And now I have put you into a
good Garb, and made a man of you, you wou'd fain be my Master, I warrant
ye! But I'll take care to hinder that; and if you don't know your self, I
do. Nay, there's your Brother _Pander_ too, is e'en as bad, and can't tell
when he's well; Because I allow him the vails belonging to his Place, he
fancies himself a Master too, and wou'd have all be rul'd by his advice:
But I shall make you know there's two words to that Bargain. I think I
shou'd know what belongs so such a House better than any of you all. I was
brought up to't when I was young: and spent my young days in Love my self;
but being disabled by Age and Weakness, I had that Affection for the Trade,
that I entertain'd others to carry it on; bringing 'em up to my hand with
much care; and therefore surely I must needs have more experience in it
than another: and if you won't acknowledge me to be the chief, and Mistress
of you all, I'll make you.

The old Bawd having made an End, and put to Silence all the other Boasts,
there was a young Prodigal Spark that had wasted a fair Estate in being a
Customer to her House, thought he had now a fit opportunity to put her in
Mind of his own Merits, and therefore thus began.

_Prodigal._ I perceive you are all very ambitious of having the
Preheminence; but to be plain with you, there's no body deserves it but my
self: For talk what you will, it is but prating to no purpose. You know the
old Prover, _Talk is but Talk, but 'tis Money buys Land_; and I am sure
'twas only for Money to supply you withal, that I have sold mine. And
therefore when you have all said what you can, what wou'd you all do, if I
didn't help you to Money? If I and such as I forsake your House, you may go
Hang your selves. 'Tis I that Satisfies the Whore, and pay the Fees of both
the Pimp and Pander. And for you, Mrs. Bawd, what'er your layings out are,
your comings in are chiefly from my hands; for you have neither House nor
Lands to secure you; but 'tis upon my Purse, that you depend; and I am he
that keeps you all alive. And since I am at all this cost, it is just that
it should be acknowledged, and that you all should own me for your Master.
Your own Interest speaks for me, and therefore I need say the less.

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Books | Photos | Paul Mutton | Tue 25th Feb 2020, 6:53