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Page 53
Polly was skipping round the room, I guess, gay as a lark. Auchmuty came
to her "in pity for poor Ingham," who was so bored by the stupid
pundit,--and Auchmuty could not understand why I stood it so long. But
when Dennis took Mrs. Jeffries down, Polly could not resist standing
near them. He was a little flustered, till the sight of the eatables and
drinkables gave him the same Mercian courage which it gave Diggory. A
little excited then, he attempted one or two of his speeches to the
Judge's lady. But little he knew how hard it was to get in even a
_promptu_ there edgewise. "Very well, I thank you," said he, after the
eating elements were adjusted; "and you?" And then did not he have to
hear about the mumps, and the measles, and arnica, and belladonna, and
chamomile-flower, and dodecatheon, till she changed oysters for salad;
and then about the old practice and the new, and what her sister said,
and what her sister's friend said, and what the physician to her
sister's friend said, and then what was said by the brother of the
sister of the physician of the friend of her sister, exactly as if it
had been in Ollendorff? There was a moment's pause, as she declined
Champagne. "I am very glad you liked it," said Dennis again, which he
never should have said but to one who complimented a sermon. "Oh! you
are so sharp, Mr. Ingham! No! I never drink any wine at all,--except
sometimes in summer a little currant shrub,--from our own currants, you
know. My own mother,--that is, I call her my own mother, because, you
know, I do not remember," etc., etc., etc.; till they came to the
candied orange at the end of the feast, when Dennis, rather confused,
thought he must say something, and tried No. 4,--"I agree, in general,
with my friend the other side of the room,"--which he never should have
said but at a public meeting. But Mrs. Jeffries, who never listens
expecting to understand, caught him up instantly with "Well, I'm sure my
husband returns the compliment; he always agrees with you,--though we do
worship with the Methodists; but you know, Mr. Ingham," etc., etc.,
etc., till the move up-stairs; and as Dennis led her through the hall,
he was scarcely understood by any but Polly, as he said, "There has been
so much said, and, on the whole, so well said, that I will not occupy
the time."
His great resource the rest of the evening was standing in the library,
carrying on animated conversations with one and another in much the same
way. Polly had initiated him in the mysteries of a discovery of mine,
that it is not necessary to finish your sentences in a crowd, but by a
sort of mumble, omitting sibilants and dentals. This, indeed, if your
words fail you, answers even in public extempore speech, but better
where other talking is going on. Thus: "We missed you at the Natural
History Society, Ingham." Ingham replies, "I am very gligloglum, that
is, that you were mmmmm." By gradually dropping the voice, the
interlocutor is compelled to supply the answer. "Mrs. Ingham, I hope
your friend Augusta is better." Augusta has not been ill. Polly cannot
think of explaining, however, and answers, "Thank you, Ma'am; she is
very rearason wewahwewoh," in lower and lower tones. And Mrs.
Throckmorton, who forgot the subject of which she spoke as soon as she
asked the question, is quite satisfied. Dennis could see into the
card-room, and came to Polly to ask if he might not go and play
all-fours. But, of course, she sternly refused. At midnight they came
home delighted,--Polly, as I said, wild to tell me the story of the
victory; only both the pretty Walton girls said, "Cousin Frederic, you
did not come near me all the evening."
We always called him Dennis at home, for convenience, though his real
name was Frederic Ingham, as I have explained. When the election-day
came round, however, I found that by some accident there was only one
Frederic Ingham's name on the voting-list; and as I was quite busy that
day in writing some foreign letters to Halle, I thought I would forego
my privilege of suffrage, and stay quietly at home, telling Dennis that
he might use the record on the voting-list, and vote. I gave him a
ticket, which I told him he might use, if he liked to. That was that
very sharp election in Maine which the readers of the Atlantic so well
remember, and it had been intimated in public that the ministers would
do well not to appear at the polls. Of course, after that, we had to
appear by self or proxy. Still, Naguadavick was not then a city, and
this standing in a double queue at town-meeting several hours to vote
was a bore of the first water; and so when I found that there was but
one Frederic Ingham on the list, and that one of us must give up, I
stayed at home and finished the letters (which, indeed, procured for
Fothergill his coveted appointment of Professor of Astronomy at
Leavenworth), and I gave Dennis, as we called him, the chance. Something
in the matter gave a good deal of popularity to the Frederic Ingham
name; and at the adjourned election, next week, Frederic Ingham was
chosen to the legislature. Whether this was I or Dennis I never really
knew. My friends seemed to think it was I; but I felt that as Dennis had
done the popular thing, he was entitled to the honor; so I sent him to
Augusta when the time came, and he took the oaths. And a very valuable
member he made. They appointed him on the Committee on Parishes; but I
wrote a letter for him, resigning, on the ground that he took an
interest in our claim to the stumpage in the minister's sixteenths of
Gore A, next No. 7, in the 10th Range. He never made any speeches, and
always voted with the minority, which was what he was sent to do. He
made me and himself a great many good friends, some of whom I did not
afterwards recognize as quickly as Dennis did my parishioners. On one or
two occasions, when there was wood to saw at home, I kept him at home;
but I took those occasions to go to Augusta myself. Finding myself often
in his vacant seat at these times, I watched the proceedings with a good
deal of care; and once was so much excited that I delivered my somewhat
celebrated speech on the Central School-District question, a speech of
which the "State of Maine" printed some extra copies. I believe there is
no formal rule permitting strangers to speak; but no one objected.
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