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Page 51
I launched him by sending him to a meeting of the Enlightenment Board.
The Enlightenment Board consists of seventy-four members, of whom
sixty-seven are necessary to form a quorum. One becomes a member under
the regulations laid down in old Judge Dudley's will. I became one by
being ordained pastor of a church in Naguadavick. You see you cannot
help yourself, if you would. At this particular time we had had four
successive meetings, averaging four hours each,--wholly occupied in
whipping in a quorum. At the first only eleven men were present; at the
next, by force of three circulars, twenty-seven; at the third, thanks to
two days' canvassing by Auchmuty and myself, begging men to come, we had
sixty. Half the others were in Europe. But without a quorum we could do
nothing. All the rest of us waited grimly for our four hours, and
adjourned without any action. At the fourth meeting we had flagged, and
only got fifty-nine together. But on the first appearance of my
double,--whom I sent on this fatal Monday to the fifth meeting,--he was
the _sixty-seventh_ man who entered the room. He was greeted with a
storm of applause! The poor fellow had missed his way,--read the street
signs ill through his spectacles (very ill, in fact, without them),--and
had not dared to inquire. He entered the room,--finding the president
and secretary holding to their chairs two judges of the Supreme Court,
who were also members _ex officio_, and were begging leave to go away.
On his entrance all was changed. _Presto_, the by-laws were suspended,
and the Western property was given away. Nobody stopped to converse with
him. He voted, as I had charged him to do, in every instance, with the
minority. I won new laurels as a man of sense, though a little
unpunctual,--and Dennis, _alias_ Ingham, returned to the parsonage,
astonished to see with how little wisdom the world is governed. He cut a
few of my parishioners in the street; but he had his glasses off, and I
am known to be near-sighted. Eventually he recognized them more readily
than I.
I "set him again" at the exhibition of the New Coventry Academy; and
here he undertook a "speaking part,"--as, in my boyish, worldly days, I
remember the bills used to say of Mlle. Celeste. We are all trustees of
the New Coventry Academy; and there has lately been "a good deal of
feeling" because the Sandemanian trustees did not regularly attend the
exhibitions. It has been intimated, indeed, that the Sandemanians are
leaning towards Free-Will, and that we have, therefore, neglected these
semiannual exhibitions, while there is no doubt that Auchmuty last year
went to Commencement at Waterville. Now the head master at New Coventry
is a real good fellow, who knows a Sanskrit root when he sees it, and
often cracks etymologies with me,--so that, in strictness, I ought to go
to their exhibitions. But think, reader, of sitting through three long
July days in that Academy chapel, following the programme from
TUESDAY MORNING. _English Composition._ "SUNSHINE." Miss Jones.
round to
_Trio on Three Pianos._ Duel from the Opera of "Midshipman Easy."
_Marryat_.
coming in at nine, Thursday evening! Think of this, reader, for men who
know the world is trying to go backward, and who would give their lives
if they could help it on! Well! The double had succeeded so well at the
Board, that I sent him to the Academy. (Shade of Plato, pardon!) He
arrived early on Tuesday, when, indeed, few but mothers and clergymen
are generally expected, and returned in the evening to us, covered with
honors. He had dined at the right hand of the chairman, and he spoke in
high terms of the repast. The chairman had expressed his interest in the
French conversation. "I am very glad you liked it," said Dennis; and the
poor chairman, abashed, supposed the accent had been wrong. At the end
of the day, the gentlemen present had been called upon for
speeches,--the Rev. Frederic Ingham first, as it happened; upon which
Dennis had risen, and had said, "There has been so much said, and, on
the whole, so well said, that I will not occupy the time." The girls
were delighted, because Dr. Dabney, the year before, had given them at
this occasion a scolding on impropriety of behavior at lyceum lectures.
They all declared Mr. Ingham was a love,--and _so_ handsome! (Dennis is
good-looking.) Three of them, with arms behind the others' waists,
followed him up to the wagon he rode home in; and a little girl with a
blue sash had been sent to give him a rosebud. After this _d�but_ in
speaking, he went to the exhibition for two days more, to the mutual
satisfaction of all concerned. Indeed, Polly reported that he had
pronounced the trustees' dinners of a higher grade than those of the
parsonage. When the next term began, I found six of the Academy girls
had obtained permission to come across the river and attend our church.
But this arrangement did not long continue.
After this he went to several Commencements for me, and ate the dinners
provided; he sat through three of our Quarterly Conventions for
me,--always voting judiciously, by the simple rule mentioned above, of
siding with the minority. And I, meanwhile, who had before been losing
caste among my friends, as holding myself aloof from the associations of
the body, began to rise in everybody's favor. "Ingham's a good
fellow,--always on hand "; "never talks much, but does the right thing
at the right time"; "is not as unpunctual as he used to be,--he comes
early, and sits through to the end." "He has got over his old talkative
habit, too. I spoke to a friend of his about it once; and I think Ingham
took it kindly," etc., etc.
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