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Page 60
In February there was a dance given at the Club, at which both Rachel
and Fanny were present. Fanny was dressed entirely in blue, even to her
shoes, fan, and blue flowers in her hair; but her eyes were bluer than
all.
"Ein meer von blauen Gedanken
Ergiesst sich �ber mein Herz,"
as Delphin said when he came into the room. The pleasure caused her by
this compliment had to suffice her for the whole evening. She could no
longer hide from herself that Delphin was in danger of slipping out of
her hands; but she never reproached him, for she felt instinctively that
as soon as anything of the kind arose between them, all would be over,
and part from him she could not.
Jacob Worse danced a waltz with Rachel, and during the pauses he tried
several times to lead the conversation on to the injustice she had done
him in calling him a coward. At first she avoided the subject, which
was, indeed, too serious a one for the ballroom; but Worse was
persistent--it was not very often that he had the opportunity of
speaking with her--and at last Rachel promised him half jestingly to
give him an answer when the dance was over.
As they were sitting by themselves in a corner of one of the rooms
leading off the ballroom, and while the dancing was still going on, she
said, "I must beg your pardon for what I said the other day. You are not
a bit more cowardly than the rest of them."
"If we could manage to define exactly what you mean by cowardice," said
Jacob Worse.
"But you know perfectly well."
"Well, then, is not this about your idea? When a man, either in
politics, or in religion, or in any other serious matter, is not at all
in accordance with the general tone of the society in which he
lives--then, if he holds his tongue, it can be from no other cause than
from what you are pleased to call cowardice."
"That is exactly my opinion, and I maintain it is correct."
"But, on the other hand, I am sure you must allow," continued Jacob
Worse, "that all opposition has not the same weight. In many cases it
might do more harm--"
"Oh, I know that miserable, cowardly excuse!" broke in Rachel, abruptly.
"'What is the good,' you say, 'of even my best endeavours when I work
alone?' and then you lie down and go to sleep. That is indeed cowardice
_par excellence_."
"I must, however, tell you, Miss Rachel," answered Jacob Worse, who was
beginning to lose his self-control, "that there is many a man who during
his whole life is painfully conscious that he has not the power of
making his views felt, or has even the opportunity of bringing them
before the world. But it is not in courage that such a man is
wanting--far from it."
"I could almost believe that you were speaking of yourself," said
Rachel, with indifference.
"Yes, and so I am!" answered he, hurriedly. "I have always been one of
those heavy, slow-thinking people, but I have a quality which that kind
of person would be better without. I am hasty. From my boyhood I have
known it, and have kept it under to the best of my ability. But,
notwithstanding my efforts, this hastiness sometimes gets the better of
me, just when I am most in want of a little cool reflection. I lose my
head, the words begin to flow like a torrent, and I listen to them
myself almost with terror. Yes, you have heard me yourself on one
memorable occasion, Miss Rachel," he added with a smile, "and I am sure
you will confess that a man of my nature is but little suited to engage
in a struggle with prejudice. For, for such a struggle, patience and
coolness are imperative."
"It is quite possible that the attributes of which you speak are most
desirable," answered Rachel, "but still it seems quite clear to me that
every man who has a conviction is bound to act up to it. How much he can
accomplish is not the question he must ask himself, but he is bound to
make the attempt."
"I will just tell you how my first attempt turned out," said Jacob
Worse. "When I came home, which is now about two or three years ago,
still breathing the comparative freedom of other lands, the first thing
in our own country which attracted my attention was the exceptionally
bad social condition of our labourers and mechanics. Their houses and
food, the bringing-up of their children, their teaching and education,
in fact, everything which belonged to them, fell far short of what I
thought it ought to be."
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