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Page 9
It was a thunderbolt to him, to hear Beatrice acknowledge herself
positively engaged, and yet wilfully resolve to encourage his
attentions, and thus trifle with his feelings. Before Beatrice came,
he had been much pleased with the unaffected manner of Ethelind, whose
character he highly respected; but her reserve made him conclude she
was indifferent to him, but how did she rise in his estimation, as he
heard the conversation. Not a word of her advice to Beatrice was lost
on him, and he only wondered he had not done her more justice; how
grateful he felt for the noble indignation she expressed at her
friend's levity, and the honest warmth with which she took his part,
and strove, as it were, to prevent his being betrayed by the heartless
coquetry of Beatrice. He regarded all that had occurred as a special
intervention of Providence to save him from future misery. His regard
for Beatrice was daily increasing and believing her good and amiable,
he desired to win the affection, which he fully thought was
reciprocal; and how did the discovery of her treachery dash the cup of
happiness from his lips; but as it was because he believed her truly
amiable that he loved her, he thought, now the veil was drawn aside,
he should soon get over his disappointment. But, unworthy as she was,
she had so entwined herself in his heart, that it was no easy task to
tear her image from it--however, he was strong-minded, and soon
reflected that instead of grieving, he ought to be thankful for his
escape. Ethelind saw he was wretched, and fancied Beatrice was, some
how or other, the cause. She pitied him, and prayed for him, but it
was all she could do; but she was not sorry to hear Beatrice say she
had an invitation to Miss Fulton's wedding, which she was determined
to accept. The night previous to her departure, Mr. Barclay, unasked,
remained to tea, and when he took leave, he put a letter into the hand
of Beatrice, which she slipped into her pocket, she thought, unseen by
any one, but Ethelind saw it, though she took no notice, nor did
Beatrice mention it Before retiring to rest, she read as follows:--
"MY DEAR MISS TREVOR,
"I should ill act up to that fearless line of duty my sacred
calling prescribes, were I not, as a friend, to urge you to reflect
on your present line of conduct, and ask you to pause on it, ere
you wreck, not only the happiness of others but your own, at the
shrine of inordinate vanity. Shall I honestly own, that mine has
narrowly escaped being wrecked; and that, from your own lips, I
learnt such was the case. Believing you good and amiable, as you
seemed, I was fascinated, and allowed my feelings to outrun my
judgment, and yet I can hardly say that such was the case, for I
thought you all a woman should be. Let me warn and entreat you, on
all future occasions, as you wish to be happy, to deal fairly and
truly with him who may seek to win your affection. I was an
unwilling listener to your conversation with Miss Fortescue, the
other day, and there, from your own lips, learnt that while engaged
to another, you scrupled not to receive and encourage my
attentions; and more than that, you declared your resolution, of
holding out hopes you never meant to realize. Had I known you were
bound to another, whatever my feelings had been for you, I had
never sought to win your love, but I fully believed you ingenuous
as you seemed. Had you not met the advances so sincerely made by
me, with such seeming pleasure, whatever the struggle might have
cost me, it had passed in silence. I will candidly own, that while
my respect is lessened, I cannot forget what my feelings towards
you have been. Time alone can heal the peace of mind you have so
recklessly wounded; but I again advise you to reflect seriously on
the past, and be assured, that she who pursues such a line of
conduct as you have done, will ever find it militate against her
own happiness, as well as that of others; and I fear, it has done
so in the present instance, for while smarting under the bitter
feelings your behaviour called forth, I wrote to an intimate
friend, and spoke of my disappointment, and the struggle I had to
obtain such a mastery over myself, as would prevent it interfering
with my duty. Unfortunately, that friend was the very man to whom
you are engaged; which I did not know at the time, nor am I
prepared to say if I had, how I should have acted. George Graham is
an honourable fellow, who believed you as faithful as himself. Thus
has your thoughtless, nay, I will go farther, and say highly
culpable levity, sacrificed the happiness of two as honest hearts
as ever beat in the human breast; I would say I pity you, but I can
hardly expect your own peace to have suffered.
"Mine is a responsible and sacred calling; and feeling it to be
such, I want, when I marry, a woman who will _aid_, not _hinder_ me
in my arduous duties; I have, as far as human infirmity permits,
done with the world and its pleasures; but I am but mortal, and who
knows to what frivolity, nay to what sin, but for the merciful
interposition of God, you might have led me; and that, while bound
to teach and guide others, I might, in my daily conduct, have
contradicted the truths I was bound to enforce.
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