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Page 35
"Mary, I've got a thing to tell you."
"Yes?" The sure way in which she smiled up at him made the effort
harder.
"I fooled you. You think I'm a hero. And I'm not. I'm a--" for the life
of him he could not get out the word "coward." He went on: "I'm a blamed
baby." And he told her in a few words, yet plainly enough what he had
gone through in the long afternoon. "It was the kiddies who clinched it,
with their flags and their hair ribbons--and their Yankee boys. I
couldn't stand for--not playing square with them."
Suddenly he gripped her hands so that it hurt. "Mary, God help me, I'll
try to fight the devils over there so that kiddies like that, and--you,
and all the blessed people, the whole dear shooting-match will be safe
over here. I'm glad--I'm so glad I'm going to have a hand in it. Mary,
it's queer, but I'm happier than I've been in months. Only"--his brows
drew anxiously. "Only I'm scared stiff for fear you think me--a coward."
He had the word out now. Thee taste wasn't so bad after all; it seemed
oddly to have nothing to do with himself. "Mary, dear, couldn't
you--forget that in time? When I've been over there and behaved
decently--and I think I will. Somehow I'm not afraid of being afraid
now. It feels like a thing that couldn't be done--by a soldier of Uncle
Sam's. I'll just look at the other chaps--all heroes, you know--and be
so proud I'm with them and so keen to finish our job that I
know--somehow I _know_ I'll never think about my blooming self at all.
It's queer to say it, Mary, but the way it looks now I'm in it, it's not
just country even. It's religion. See, Mary?"
There was no sound, no glance from Mary. But he went on, unaware, so
rapt was he in his new illumination.
"And when I come back, Mary, with a decent record--just possibly with a
war-cross--oh, my word! Think of me! Then, couldn't you forget this
business I've been telling you? Do you think you could marry me then?"
What was the matter? Why did she stand so still with her head bending
lower and lower, the color deepening on the bit of cheek that his
anxious eyes could see.
"Mary!"
Suddenly she was clutching his collar as if in deadly fear.
"Mary, what's the matter? I'm such a fool, but--oh, Mary, dear!"
With that Mary-dear straightened and, slipping her clutch to the lapel
of his old coat, spoke. She looked into his eyes with a smile that was
sweeter--oh, much sweeter!--for tears that dimmed it, and she choked
most awfully between words. "Jim"--and a choke. "Jim, I'm terrified to
think I nearly let you get away. You. And me not worthy to lace your
shoes--" ("Oh, gracious, Mary--don't!") "me--the idiot, backing and
filling when I had the chance of my life at--at a hero. Oh, Jim!"
"Here! Mary, don't you understand? I've been telling you I was scared
blue. I hated to tell you Mary, and it's the devil to tell you twice--"
What was this? Did Heaven then sometimes come down unawares on the head
of an every-day citizen with great lapses of character? Jim Barlow,
entranced, doubted his senses yet could not doubt the touch of soft
hands clasped in his neck. He held his head back a little to be sure
that they were real. Yes, they were there, the hands--Barlow's next
remark was long, but untranslatable. Minutes later. "Mary, tell me what
you mean. Not that I care much if--if this." Language grows elliptical
under stress. "But--did you get me? I'm--a coward." A hand flashed
across his mouth.
"Don't you dare, Jim, you're the bravest--bravest--"
The words died in a sharp break. "Why, Jim it was a hundred thousand
times pluckier to be afraid and then go. Can't you see that, you big
stupid?"
"But, Mary, you said you admired it when--when you thought I was a lion
of courage."
"Of course. I admired you. Now I adore you."
"Well," summed up, Barlow bewildered, "if women aren't the blamedest!"
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