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Page 7
[Illustration: II.--CAPTAIN.]
Raised to Captain's rank, it so fell out
I fell in love with the Station belle,[1]
Got spliced; the Rupee, at once, no doubt,
In spite, not in love, but value fell.
[Illustration: III.--MAJOR.]
Children came, money went, all U P,
I thought, when promotion brought more pay
(What luck!); but that slippery Rupee
Decreased more visibly from that day.
[Illustration: IV.--COLONEL.]
Cramming! Schooling! Bills by every post!
But now, as Colonel, I think I see
My way; but I count without my host.
Vanished, like a ghost, has the Rupee!
[Footnote 1: By this I do not mean the Barmaid who presides over the
stale buns at our Railway Refreshment-room; I refer to the prettiest
girl at the Military Station where I was quartered.]
* * * * *
PREMIER AND PHYSICIAN.
(_IMAGINARY REPORT OF AN UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE INTERVIEW._)
So you got through your labours at Oxford, my dear friend, without
feeling any ill effects?--Certainly, never enjoyed myself more.
Everyone paid the deepest attention. One Don actually used an
ear-trumpet.
Well, and what do you intend doing next?--Oh, lots of things. You see
my Parliamentary work is next to nothing--not a moment more than ten
hours a-day. So I must do something with my spare time.
Certainly, I have no objection. But I should like to hear your
programme.--I have only got it into form for a week or so. Before
the end of the year I shall have it ship-shape. But say for November.
Shall we say November?
Certainly. What do you propose doing in November?--Well, I think I
shall retranslate the works of HOMER, and write an exhaustive
article in the _Encylop�dia Britannica_ (new edition) on the "Life of
WELLINGTON."
And that is all? Well, and a fair amount, too!--All! What nonsense!
Why, that will take me less than no time. Then I think I shall ascend
Mont Blanc, so as to be able to see how the summit looks in winter.
Then I shall translate the _Waverley Novels_ into Swedish.
Well, you might be worse employed, but you must not overdo it.--Overdo
it! Certainly not! Why, I am strong as a horse. And that reminds me,
I think I shall attempt a long-distance ride on my own account. I feel
sure that I can do better than those German and Austrian fellows.
Where do you propose to ride?--From John o' Groat's to the Land's End,
I fancy, will be the course. I ought to do it in three days.
Of course you will use more than one horse?--Oh, certainly. No
cruelty. And I think I shall try the walk myself on foot, just to see
if a horse will be able to keep up with me.
And is there any other exploit that you contemplate?--I thought I
might perhaps dine with the new Lord Mayor.
What! dine with the new Lord Mayor! Why, you would never be able to
bear the strain; the great exertion!--I was half afraid you might say
this, so I have written and respectfully declined the invitation!
* * * * *
[Illustration: FELINE AMENITIES.
"HOW KIND OF YOU TO CALL--I'M SO SORRY TO HAVE KEPT YOU WAITING!"
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