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Page 12
THE FUTURE (_AS THEY WILL BE_). SCENE--_THE SAME. SOLICITOR AND
CLERK DISCOVERED._
_Sol._ Now mind, on no account is she to be admitted. She talks about
all sorts of things and takes up my time dreadfully, and now the
Court won't pass "luxurious costs," and objects to payment out of the
estate, I can charge nothing. So mind, she is not to be admitted.
_Clerk_. Very good, Sir. [_Exit._
_Sol._ Yes. At my very busiest time, when every moment is valuable!
(_Enter_ Client.) What you, my dear Madam! I really am too busy to
attend to you this morning.
_Client_ (_astonished_). Why you said you were always pleased to see
me!
_Sol._ But that was before the Judges' recommendations were adopted.
Nowadays we must not let you run up costs until we have explained to
you in writing what you are about. And as all you say will come out
of your own pocket, and not out of the estate, it is only fair to warn
you.
_Client_. What, out of my own pocket! Then I shall be off.
_Sol._ Sorry to give up our pleasant conversations, but they run into
money. (_Exit Client, when the Solicitor shakes his head to the Clerk
who has brought his rough draft of costs, and to which nothing now can
be legally added, and observes_--) Not a good day's work!
* * * * *
[Illustration: BALANCE OF PROBABILITIES.
_High Church Lady_. "I SUPPOSE THAT WAS THE LADY CHAPEL BEHIND THE
CHOIR?"
_Low Church Verger_. "I DON'T FANCY THERE'S HANY SUCH 'EREABOUTS, M'M.
I THINK IT WAS ONLY THE PEW-OPENER!"]
* * * * *
THE BOOM-DE-AY POET.
["Mr. RICHARD MORTON, the author of "_Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay_,"
has been called to prove what would be a reasonable figure for
the whole proprietary rights of a song."--_Times Law Reports,
Nov. 3rd._]
He came before the public t'other day!--
The Author of "_Ta-ra-ra-Boom-de-ay!_"
'Twas in a case before Judge GRANTHAM brought
(It should have been in Justice "COLLINS'" Court)
When the Inspired Bard the Jury faced.
As he within the witness-box was placed.
He told us how his Pegasus would fly
From plain (two guineas) up to (ten) the sky!
But for the song he wrote for LOTTIE fair
We hope he was a-Lottie'd a large share
In all its earnings. May it not be long
Ere he produce another catching song;
But should he fail, then when the poet's clay
Be laid to rest, it will suffice to say,
"_Vixit_. He wrote '_Ta-ra-ra-Boom-de-ay!_'"
* * * * *
MRS. R., on hearing that a Cricket-team, though not first-rate, had _a
leaven_ of good players, inquired how they could have more of them.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE LORD MAYOR'S SHOW.
MEDITATIONS OF THE LORD MAYOR'S FOOTMAN.]
* * * * *
OPERA-GOERS' DIARY.
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