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Page 6
Our Canadian contemporary, _Jack Canuck_, publishes a protest against
the invasion of Canada by British temperance reformers, whom it
describes as "uplifters." Immediately below this protest it produces a
picture from _Punch_, lifted without any acknowledgment of its origin.
* * * * *
"On Sunday one British pilot, flying at 1,000 ft., saw four
hostile craft at about 5,000 ft., and dived more than a mile
directly at them. As he whirled past the nearest machine he
opened fire, and saw the observer crumple up in the fusselage
as the pilot put the machine into a steep live."--_Dally
Sketch_.
While confessing ignorance as to the exact nature of a "live,"
we are sure it is not as steep as the rest of the story.
* * * * *
A MUSCULAR CHRISTIAN.
"Vicar, Compton Dando, Bristol, would Let two Fields, or few
Yearlings could run with him."--_Bristol Times and Mirror_.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE PERSONAL EQUATION.
_Time 1940._
"WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE GREAT WAR, GRANDPA?" "WHAT DID I DO, MY LAD? I
HELPED TO RELIEVE MAFEKING."]
* * * * *
THE MUSINGS OF MARCUS MULL.
(_IN THE MANNER OF AN ILLUSTRIOUS MENTOR_.)
I.
I noted in last week's issue the persistence of the strange story that
Mr. GLADSTONE, in his wrath at his reduced majority in Midlothian,
broke chairs when the news arrived. I was careful to add that, as the
result of searching investigation, I was in a position to state that
Mr. GLADSTONE never did any such thing. Still I cannot altogether
regret having alluded to the story in view of the interesting letters
on the subject which have reached me from a number of esteemed
correspondents.
II.
As an eminent Dundonian divine, who wishes to remain anonymous,
remarks, it is a melancholy fact that men of genius have often been
prone to violent ebullitions of temper. He recalls the sad case of
MILTON, who, while he was dictating his _Areopagitica_, threw
an ink-horn at his daughter, "to the complete denigration of her
habiliments," as he himself described it. Yet MILTON was a man of
high character and replete with moral uplift. I remember that my old
master, Professor Cawker of Aberdeen, once told me that as a child
he was liable to fits of freakishness, in one of which he secreted
himself under the table during a dinner-party at his father's house
and sewed the dresses of the ladies together. The result, when they
rose to leave the room, was disastrous in the extreme. But Professor
Cawker, as I need hardly remind my readers, was a genial and
noble-hearted man. I presented him on his marriage with a set of
garnet studs. Ever after when I dined at his house he wore them.
Nothing was ever said between us, but we both knew, and I shall never
forget.
III.
My old friend, Lemmens Porter, whose name I deeply regret not to
have read in the Honours List, reminds me of the painful story of
SWINBURNE, who, in a fit of temper, hurled two poached eggs at GEORGE
MEREDITH for speaking disrespectfully of VICTOR HUGO. The incident is
suppressed in Mr. GOSSE'S tactful life, but Mr. Porter had it direct
from MEREDITH, whose bath-chair he frequently pulled at Dorking.
SWINBURNE was, I regret to say, pagan in his views, but, unlike some
pagans, he was incapable of adhering to the golden mean. ARISTOTLE,
I feel certain, would never have condescended to the use of such a
missile, and it is beyond "imagination's widest stretch" to picture,
say, the late Dr. JOSEPH COOK, of Boston, the present Lord ABERDEEN,
or the Rev. Dr. Donald McGuffin acting in such a wild and tempestuous
manner.
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