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Page 14
"All I want to know," said the _Punch_ man, "is what is your idea
of God? The feeling is very general that God should be more clearly
defined and, if possible, personified. One of your own Republican
correspondents, who not only got large type but a nasty leader, has
said so. How do you yourself view Him?"
"I have a god of my own," said the Editor, watch in hand, "and I see
him very distinctly. Powerfully built, with a boyish face and a wealth
of fairish hair over one side of the noble brow. Aloof but vigilant.
Restive but determined. Quick to praise but quicker to blame.
Adaptive, volcanic, relentless and terribly immanent--terribly.
That is my god. A king, no doubt, but"--here he sighed--"by no means
invisible. Good day."
Nothing but the absence of Mr. FRANK HARRIS in what is not only his
spiritual but his actual home, America, prevents the publication of
his definitive and epoch-making views on this suggestive theme.
Meanwhile things go on much as usual.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Officer_ (_superintending party that is trying to
extinguish a fire at French farm_). "GOOD HEAVENS, CORPORAL, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING UP THERE?"
_Irish Corporal_. "I'M WATCHIN' THE STRAW DOESN'T CATCH A-FIRE, SOR."
_Officer_. "WELL, TAKE CARE. IS IT AN EASY PLACE TO GET OUT OF?"
_Corporal_. "IT IS THAT. YOU MIGHT GO THROUGH THE FLOOR ANNYWHERE,
SOR."]
* * * * *
MORE SUBSTITUTION.
From a Stores circular:--
"Members who like a very delicately Smoked Bacon or Ham will
appreciate the valuable new line recently added to our Stock,
namely;--
---- MILD CURED SALMON."
* * * * *
"From Switzerland comes a report of a noiseless machine gun,
operated by electricity."--_Yorkshire Evening Post_.
Another invention gone wrong.
* * * * *
NEW LIGHTS ON ANCIENT HISTORY.
"Senor Aladro Castriota, the wealthy wine merchant of
Xerxes."--_Daily News_.
HERODOTUS omits this detail.
* * * * *
"Mrs. ---- thoroughly recommends her Russian Nursery
Governess; speaks fluent French, German; will answer any
question."--_Daily Paper_.
There are a lot of questions we should like to ask her about Russia.
* * * * *
"The jury found the prisoner guilty of man-slaughter, and was
sentenced to 18 months' hard labour."--_Provincial Paper_.
No wonder there is a scarcity of jurymen.
* * * * *
AT THE PLAY.
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