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Page 12
Private Tom Whidden had a passion
For eating of his iron ration--
A thing, you know, which isn't _done_
(Except, just now and then, for fun),
Because there is a rule about it
And decent people rarely flout it.
But Tom was greedy and each day
He'd put a tin or two away,
Though duty told him, clear and plain,
To keep them safe as brewers' grain,
For eating _as a last resort_
When eatables were running short.
His Corporal said, "My lad, don't do it!"
His Sergeant groaned, "I'm _sure_ you'll rue it!"
But still he never stopped. At last
His Captain heard and stood aghast....
Then he said sternly, "Private Whidden,
Really, you know, this is forbidden.
Some day, Sir, if you _will_ devour
Your ration thus from hour to hour,
You'll find yourself in No Man's Land
With neither bite nor sup at hand.
Yes, when it _is_ your proper fare,
Your iron ration won't be there;
Then in your hour of bitter need
You will be sorry for your greed."
He ceased. But Private Thomas Whidden,
Being thus seriously chidden,
Said simply (with a Devon burr),
"Law bless us! do 'ee zay zo, Zur?"
Then with an uncontroll�d passion
He went and ate his iron ration.
So, since he chose, from day to-day,
Persistently to disobey,
As you'd expect, the man is dead,
Though not the way his Captain said.
The fate of starving out of hand,
Or nearly so, in No Man's Land--
Alas! it never came in question.
He died of chronic indigestion.
* * * * *
WITH OR WITHOUT A MEDIUM.
"William Henry Gadd, said to have left Middlesex in 1812 for
South America, or anyone acquainted with his whereabouts,
will oblige by communicating at first opportunity with H.M.
Consul-General, 25 de Mayo 611, this city."--_The Standard_
(_Buenos Aires_).
* * * * *
A correspondent informs us that the male gasworker is familiarly known
as "Cokey," and asks us whether the ladies who have recently entered
the business ought to be described as "Cokettes." We think it very
probable.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _British Officer_ (_interrupting carousal in Bosch
dug-out_). "TIME, GENTLEMEN, PLEASE!"]
* * * * *
THE GOD-MAKERS.
The financial success of Mr. H.G. WELLS' punctuality and enterprise
in looking into the vexed question of the Deity, even in war time, has
had the usual effect, and many literary men are feverishly pursuing
similar studies. In due course some of these will no doubt take
practical shape. Meanwhile it has seemed desirable for a _Punch_ man
to make a few inquiries among our leading philosophers and readers of
the future with regard to the same engrossing topic. For England will
ever be the wonder and despair of other nations in its capacity,
no matter with what seriousness its hands are filled, for pursuing
controversial distractions.
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