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Page 7
So there, forbear to spell my fate;
I've saved you that sibylline trouble;
You could but this true estimate
Redouble.
Still, if you clasp my hand, and plead,
And, pouting, claim your second-sight, it
May chance that though you may not read,
You'll _write_ it.
* * * * *
WAS, IS, AND WILL BE.
(_THREE PERIODS OF BIOGRAPHY._)
PAST (_Historical_).--General SIMEON SNOOKES was one of the greatest
Commanders that ever figured in an European war. His defence of
Herren-Bayoz, in 1796, will be long remembered by those of his
grateful countrymen who feared that the Corsican upstart would get
the upper hand in the semi-fraternal struggle in the Portugo-Hispanian
Peninsula. A service nearly as important was performed when SNOOKES
(then a Colonel), led the forlorn hope that gave PEGGE WELL BEY (the
Turkish conqueror) into the grasping hands of the British Government.
Yet still another victory was scored when Captain SNOOKES forced the
gates of Ram and Mar, and brought the proud Earls of the Five Free
Ports to their knees and their senses. That he should have received
the freedom of the City of London was as it should have been, and it
must have been gratifying to his sorrowing friends and relatives that
Royalty itself should have been represented at his obsequies. His fame
as a victorious General will never fade, and although his private
life may have been uninteresting, his connection with the noble
family of DE SCROGGYNS will for ever gain for him the respect of his
fellow-countrymen.
PRESENT (_Anecdotal_).--General SNOOKES--better known in the last
century as "SIMPLE SIMON"--was a most interesting personage. Of
his military career it is unnecessary to speak, as it was extremely
commonplace, and void of incident. He was a _petit ma�tre_--and
numerous tales are told of his gallantry. On one occasion, meeting
Lady BESSIE FRIZZYHEAD; on the Green at Turnham, he called attention
to the fairness of the sunset. "Quite like cream, Lady BESSIE," said
the old _beau_, taking a pinch of snuff. "Whipped, you mean," replied
the malicious maiden, with a smile. "SIMPLE SIMON" simpered, but never
forgave the liberty. At another time the General was speaking to
the late Duke of York, when that illustrious personage commanded the
British Army. "I say, SIMMY," exclaimed H.R.H., "if the French invade
us, you must look after Number One." "You mean, Sir," was the prompt
answer, "Number One Hundred and One!" The King, hearing this anecdote
a little later, made "SIMPLE SIMON" his extra Equerry. But perhaps the
best story of all was that told of his interview with Dean SWIFT. "I
propose listening to your Reverence on Sunday," said the simple one.
"Oh, indeed!" replied the sarcastic ecclesiastic. "Then we shall have
a case of a _Gulliver_ come to judgment!" Many other good stories are
told of this General, whose career was rather in the drawing-room than
in the field of glory. He died in 1825, and was buried in Westminster
Abbey. At his funeral there was a large assemblage of the best-known
people of the day, and amongst them the Editor of the _National
Defender. "Sic transit gloria_," said some-one. "_Mundi_!" added the
journalist.
FUTURE (_Conjectural_).--SNOOKES, SIMEON. No one knows who this person
was, but it is shrewdly conjectured that he may have had some official
connection (possibly as a Government contractor) with one of the
ancient wars. As his monument is defaced, and there are no records of
his family, it is useless to attempt to make his biography any fuller.
* * * * *
[Illustration: STUDIES IN CONTINENTAL PERSPECTIVE.
A DUET FOR TENOR AND BASS.]
* * * * *
"SQUARED!"
A SONG OF A SETTLEMENT.
AIR--"_The Death of Nelson_."
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