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Page 30
"I had just risen from his desk when Mr. Stewart came in. He did
not seem to see me, but took a seat near the door. I was well-nigh
exhausted, but strove to appear as cold and indifferent as ever. I
gathered up my books and turned to go, then he laid down his pen, and
came to me.
"'I believe you and your cousin leave to-day?'
"'Yes. in this evening's boat,' I answered, much as usual.
"'I wish you a safe and pleasant voyage. My kindest adieux to your
cousin. Good-by, Miss Hamilton.'
"He held out his hand. I said 'good-by' as clearly and coldly as
himself. Our hands met but an instant: there was no pressure--no
warmth, and then he opened the door for me to pass. As he did so
our eyes met; his glance was calm and cold, but his lips were firmly
compressed. Had he looked sad, mournful, or tender, I should have
passed out and triumphed; but my overtasked strength gave way; a cold
shudder crept through my frame, and consciousness forsook me. I never
fainted before or since. When I revived, I raised my head and looked
about me, I was reclining on a couch; he kneeling beside me, calmly,
as he would have stood in class. He held my hand, and pressed it
warmly.
"'Are you better now, Florence?'
"'Oh, yes, thank you,' I said, and rose to my feet.
"He still held my hand. I withdrew it, and turned to the door. He
placed himself before it, and said--'Florence, it was well done; you
are an admirable dissembler, but I am not deceived. You love me, and
have for long, yet I freely acknowledge your love can never exceed my
own. I love you better than my life, though perfectly aware that
we are now parted forever. I am a poor tutor, dependent on my daily
exertions for subsistence; you the cherished daughter of a wealthy and
ambitious parent.'
"He drew me to him, and imprinted a long kiss on my lips; then put me
gently back, and left the room.
"I never saw him again, but did I doubt his love? No, no! I would
sooner doubt my own existence. We embarked, as you know, in the
evening. That night was beautiful--just such a one as this--serene and
heavenly. I stole out on deck when others slumbered, and for a long
weary hour paced to and fro. There was a wild tumult in my soul which
would not be stilled, and every restraining effort but fanned the
flame that raged within. A never-to-be-forgotten contest was waged
that night, and my heart was the arena. My guardian angel whispered
low, 'Forget the past as a feverish dream; it is not well for thee;
forget, forget!' But the heaven-born accents were suddenly drowned
by the wild shriek of my dark destiny--'Of Lethe's waters thou shall
never taste! I have shattered the goblet at thy feet, and scattered
the draught to the winds of heaven! Behold the apotheosis of thine
idol! At this shrine shalt thou bow evermore--evermore!'
"A new impulse was implanted within me; and, impotent to resist, I
was impelled onward, and onward, till a chasm yawned at my feet. Yet
a moment I trembled on the brink, then plunged desperately forward.
Mary, listen. I knelt on the damp, glistening deck, and implored
Almighty God to register my words in heaven. In his awful name and
presence, I solemnly swore to love Dudley Stewart alone--to be his
wife, or go down to the tomb as Florence Hamilton. I rose up
calm--the fierce warring was stilled. Yet it was not inward peace that
succeeded. My fate was sealed--the last page of destiny transcribed.
"Time passed on, oblivious of the darkened hours it bore on its broad
bosom. Mary, I have watched for one loved form, and listened for that
calm, proud step. I have loved, and trusted, and believed that we
should meet again. Deluded Florence! a period is put to thy hopes and
fears! Mary, he is married! All is over for me. The dull, heavy weight
resting upon my heart will soon crush out the life spark, and lay low
my proud head. Ah! I my cousin, you weep. I wish that I could; but
tears have been _too_ often scornfully repulsed; they come not now at
my call. Oh, Mary, I am weary, weary! I long for rest, even the rest
of the dark, still tomb! I have no hope--no wish. I am passive now.
At last nature has broken the bonds so long forced upon her, and the
reaction is strong indeed. You ask how I received my information: ah!
you need not doubt its authenticity. Aunt Lizzy and his mother were
old friends, and she received a letter the day before my father died,
announcing _his_ approaching union with a beautiful cousin! I am
deservedly punished: I worshiped the creature and forgot the God. I
needed a desperate remedy, and it is administered."
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