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Page 10
* * * * *
ANNOUNCEMENT.--The Earl of LATHOM (who, being quite six feet or
more, cannot be described as Small and Earl-y) is to lay the
foundation-stone of "The Cross Deaf and Dumb School for N. and E.
Lancashire." Now the Deaf and Dumb are, as a rule, exceptionally
cheerful and good-tempered. It is quite right, therefore, that
exceptions to this rule should be treated in a separate establishment,
and that the "Cross Deaf and Dumb" ones should have a house to
themselves. _Prosit!_
* * * * *
A HIGHLY-POLISH'D PERFORMANCE.--HENRY IRVING as _Le Juif Polonais_ in
_The Bells._
* * * * *
[Illustration: TUNING THE HARP.]
* * * * *
A FRIEND TAKES ME FOR A QUIET DRIVE.
[Illustration: 1. "Don't be alarmed, Jack--it's only her way. She
always does this at starting. Never knew her to come over."]
[Illustration: 2. "May as well get out. She always makes me walk up
here."]
[Illustration: 3. "Look sharp, Jack, and get the reins from under her
tail or we'll have an accident!"]
[Illustration: 4. "Curious thing how she hates trains!"]
[Illustration: 5. "Better be on the look-out for a soft spot, old
chap!"]
[Illustration: 6. "Now this is the second time she has turned me out
just here!"]
* * * * *
IN THE MONKEY-HOUSE;
_OR, CAGE VERSUS CLUB._
PROFESSOR GARNER goes to the Gaboon
To garner Monkey talk; a dubious boon!
Stucco Philistia shows in many shapes
The babble of baboons, the chat of apes.
Why hang, Sir, up a tree, in a big cage,
To study Simian speech, which in our age
May be o'erheard on Platform or in Pub,
And studied 'mid the comforts of a Club?
And yet perchance your forest apes would shrink
From Smoke-room chat of apes who _never_ think,
But cackle imitatively all round,
Till their speech hath an automatic sound.
Put the dread name of GL-DST-NE in the slot
SMELFUNGUS calls his mouth, and rabid rot
Will gurgle forth in a swift sewer-like gush
Of coarse abuse would make a bargee blush.
SMELFUNGUS is a soldier, and a swell,
But--the Gaboon can scarce surpass Pall-Mall
In vicious, gibbering vulgarity
Of coarse vituperation. Decency,
Courtesy, common-sense, all cast aside!
Pheugh! GARNER, in his cage, would open wide
His listening ears, did Jacko of the forest
So "slate" a foeman when his head was sorest.
Strange that to rave and rant, like scullion storm,
Like low virago scold, should seem "good form"
To our Society Simians, when one name
Makes vulgar spite oblivious of its shame!
"Voluntary and deliberate," their speech,
"Articulate too"--those Apes! Then could they teach
Their--say _descendants_,--much. Does Club or cage
Hear most of rabid and unreasoned rage?
"Apes' manner of delivery shows" (they say)
"They're conscious of the meaning they'd convey!"
Then pardon, GARNER! Apes, though found in clans.
Are _not_, of course, political partisans.
Tired of the Club-room's incoherent rage,
One pines for the Gaboon, and GARNER's cage.
For what arboreal ape _could_ rage and rail
Like him, with fierce Gladstonophobia pale,
That Smoke-room Simian, though without a tail!
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