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Page 9
* * * * *
COMMERCIAL CANDOUR.
From a butcher's advertisement:--
"TOUGH & INDIFFERENT MEAT
IS DEAR AT ANY PRICE.
TRY
------ & Sons
And prove it for yourselves."
* * * * *
"A certain amount of discussion took place, and it was
acknowledged that the number of horses in training had been
exagggerated."--_Daily Chronicle_.
Nevertheless there is certainly one gee too many.
* * * * *
The _Lokalanzeiger_ publishes an appeal for a new German National
Anthem. We understand that the best composition that has been sent in
up to the time of going to press begins as follows:--
Who is WILLIAM? What is he
That all our swine adore him?
* * * * *
ROYAL ACADEMY DEPRESSIONS.
[Illustration: _The Plough Girl_. "NOW THEN, MABEL, NOT SO MUCH POSING
OR YOU'LL HAVE THE HORSES BUMPING INTO THAT RAINBOW."]
[Illustration: _Old Lady_ (_regarding the mannequin_). "I DON'T THINK
THAT DRESS WOULD REALLY SUIT ME. CHIN-CHIN DOESN'T SEEM TO CARE ABOUT
IT EITHER."]
[Illustration: THE UNHAPPY DINER WHO HAS BEEN REFUSED A SECOND
HELPING.]
[Illustration: _Mr. Martin Harvey_.--"IT IS A FAR, FAR BETTER
_HAMLET_ THAN ANYONE HAS EVER DONE."]
[Illustration: THE MUTUAL ADMIRATION OF THE BRETON AND THE BISHOP.]
[Illustration: _The Terrier_. "EXCUSE ME, GUV'NOR, BUT WHEN YOU'VE
FINISHED READING THE DESPATCHES YOU MIGHT LOOK AND SEE IF THEY'RE
GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT _US_."]
[Illustration: _The Angel and the Veteran_ (_to conscientious
objector_). "YOUNG MAN, WHAT DID _YOU_ DO IN THE GREAT WAR?"]
* * * * *
THE JOLLY BARGEMAN.
I've put the old mare's tail in plaits, now ain't she lookin' gay?
With ribbons in 'er mane as well--you'd think it First o' May;
For why? we're under Government, though it ain't just plain to me
If we're in the Civil Service or the Admiralitee.
An' it's "Gee-hup, Mabel," oh, we'll do the best we're able,
For we're servin' of our country an' we're 'elpin' 'er to win;
An' when the War is over then we'll all lie down in clover,
With a drink all together at the "Navigation Inn"!
I brought the news to Missis, an' to 'er these words did say,
"Just chuck yon old broom-'andle an' a two-three nails this way,
We're bound to 'ave a flagstaff for our old red-white-and-blue,
For since we're under Government we'll 'ave our ensign too."
The Navy is the Navy, an' it sails upon the sea;
The Army is the Army, an' on land it 'as to be;
There's the land an' there's the water, 'an the Cut comes in
between,
And I don't know what you'd call me if it ain't an 'Orse Marine.
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