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Page 16
Take two Committees--it is not absolutely necessary that they should
meet more than once--and, having added to them a Chairman, stew on a
slow fire until a Secretary emerges. Turn into an enamelled saucepan
and set to simmer over gas. Then boil up twice into resolutions and
votes of thanks, and let the whole toast for at least three hours.
Sprinkle with amendments and add salt and pepper to taste. Then brown
with a salamander and serve up hot in egg-cups.
NO. II.--FOR A HOUSEHOLDER IN STREATHAM OR CAMDEN TOWN.
To half a tennis-lawn add two ounces of croquet-mallet and three
arches of pergola, and reduce the whole to a fine powder. Drench with
still lemonade and boil into a thick paste. Add two hundredweight
of dandelions and plantains together with at least three pounds of
garden-roller and five yards of wire-netting carefully grilled.
Let this be roasted and basted for an hour and then flavoured
with vantage. Turn out into a mould, and serve overhand as fast as
possible, having first shred into the mixture half a ton of daisies or
buttercups, according to taste.
NO. III.--BEESTING JELLY FOR APIARIANS.
Catch one thousand bees and extract their stings. Then throw away the
bees and lay the stings gently but firmly on a mash composed of the
breasts of five Buff Orpington cockerels. Sift the whole through
a fine cloth and add the yolks of a hundred poached eggs. Beat up
together for an hour and ten minutes. Flavour with coffee and dilute
with elderberry wine. Allow the mixture to simmer in a hot oven and
serve with fresh asparagus cut before breakfast.
NO. IV.--PUNTPOLE PIE FOR RIPARIAN OWNERS.
Chop into small pieces three or four puntpoles, having first melted
down the metal shoes, and spread thin over as many canoe paddles as
can be obtained for the purpose. Immerse the whole suddenly in
the river and dry before a quick fire. Add one boat's rudder and
twenty-four dab-chicks, and season with three yards of grated swans'
necks, six barbel, four dace and a dozen gudgeon, close time for
these fish being strictly observed. Sprinkle with cowslips and willow
leaves, insert in a pie-dish and cover with a thick paste of bulrushes
and marsh grass. Then set to bake for three hours, and stick four
pigeons' claws into the crust. Picnic baskets from which the salt has
been omitted may be shredded over the surface instead of parsley.
Mr. Punch has many more recipes equally cheap and excellent, and is
prepared to disclose them to those of his readers who may desire to
practise a rigid economy and at the same time to enjoy an abundance of
good food.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Recruit_ (_with exercising party_). "IF I LETS THE
BLIGHTERS GO THE CORPORAL'LL CUSS ME INTO 'EAPS. AN' IF I 'OLDS ON TO
'EM I'LL BREAK MY BLINKIN' NECK!"]
* * * * *
THE END OF THE STORY.
"Will the soldier who assisted the Gentleman with a motor
cycle and sidecar on the Downs on Tuesday communicate with him
at Greenbank Cemetery."--_Bristol Evening News_.
* * * * *
"Harry Wilson, milkman, of Devonport, has no connection of
any kind with Woodrow Wilson, of United States of
America."_Auckland Paper_.
HARRY is now sorry he wrote.
* * * * *
"The daily rations of the shirkers are:--
Bread . . . . . . . . . . . 9 oz.
(uncooked, including bone)."
_Daily Mail_.
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