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Page 4
* * * * *
ECCLESIASTICAL TASTE.--A condiment not much in favour with High
Churchmen just now, must be "Worcester Sauce." It is warranted to
neutralise the very highest flavour.
* * * * *
IMPROMPTU.
Of "garnered leaves"
And "garnered sheaves"
Sing sentimental donkeys.
Perhaps e'er long
Their simple song
Will be of Garnered Monkeys!
* * * * *
"A railway from Joppa to Jerusalem" sounds like a Scriptural Line. In
future, "going to Jericho" will not imply social banishment, as the
party sent thither will be able to take a return-ticket.
* * * * *
[Illustration: OF MALICE AFORETHOUGHT.
_Cheery Official._ "ALL FIRST CLASS 'ERE, PLEASE?"
_Degenerate Son of the Vikings_ (_in a feeble voice_). "_FIRST CLASS?_
NOW DO I _LOOK IT_?"]
* * * * *
THE LAY OF THE LAST KNIGHT.
My name and style are ELLIS ASHMEAD BART--
Ah! happy augury. Would I could
Leave it so. But 'twill not do.
Like soap of Monkey brand,
It will not wash clothes,
Or, in truth, ought else.
'Tis but an accident of rhythm
Born of the imperative mood that makes one
Start a poem of this kind on ten feet,
Howe'er it may thereafter crawl or soar.
What I really was about to remark was that
My name and style are ELLIS ASHMEAD BART-
LETT, Knight; late Civil Lord of Admiralty
You know me. I come from Sheffield; at least
I did on my return thence
Upon re-election.
II.
A sad world this, my masters, as someone--
Was it my friend SHAKSPEARE?--
Says. The sadness arises upon reflection, not
That I'm a Knight, but that I am, so to speak,
A Knight of only two letters.
As thus--Kt. 'Tis but a glimmer of a night,
If I, though sore at heart, may dally with
The English tongue
And make a pensive pun.
III.
Of course I expected different things from
The MARKISS.
What's the use, what's the purpose,
Of what avail, wherefore,
That a man should descend from the
Spacious times of ELIZABETH with nothing
In his hand other than a simple Knighthood?
Anyone could do that.
It might be done to anyone.
He, him, all, any, both, certain, few,
Many, much, none, one, other, another.
One another, several, some, such and whole.
Why, he made a Knight
At the same time,
In the same manner,
Of
MAPLE
BLUNDELL!
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