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Page 13
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE FINDING OF PHARAOH.
_Interesting Discovery in the Dead Season._]
* * * * *
VERY ENTERTAINING.
Dear MR. PUNCH,--So much is done by the organisers of the Primrose
League in the shape of amusements for the people, that it seems
strange "the other side" should not follow suit. Without having
decided political opinions, I like both the Government and Her
Majesty's Opposition to be on equal terms. Hence my suggestion. I see
that, a few days ago, Mr. GLADSTONE, in speaking to an audience at
Barmouth, made the following remarks. He said--He belonged to almost
every part of the country. A Scotchman by blood, born in Lancashire,
and resident in London, he had become closely attached to Wales by
marriage, and had now become too old to get rid of that inclination.
Surely these admissions conjure up the possibility of a really
excellent entertainment. To show you what I mean, I jot down,
in dramatic form, my notion of the manner in which the PREMIER's
excellent idea should be worked out:--
SCENE--_A large hall, with a platform. On the platform,
Committee and Chairman. In front of the Chairman, large table,
with cloth reaching to the floor. Water-bottle, and tumbler,
and lamp._
_Chairman._ Ladies and Gentlemen, I have great pleasure in
announcing that the Right Hon. W.E. GLADSTONE (_cheers_), will give
his entertainment entitled "The Man of Many Characters" almost
immediately. The PREMIER's train is a little late, but--ah, here
come his fore-runners. (_Enter two Servants in livery with a large
basket-box, which they place under the table and then retire._) And
now we may expect the PREMIER immediately.
[_Enter Mr. GLADSTONE in evening dress hurriedly. He is
received with thunders of applause._
_Mr. Gladstone._ Ladies and Gentlemen! (_Great cheering._) I regret
I have kept you waiting for some quarter of an hour. My excuse must
be that I caused the train to be pulled up, because I noticed at a
wayside station a crowd of villagers who, apparently, were desirous
to hear me speak. You must forgive me, for it was for the good of
the nation. (_Cheers._) And now without preface, I will appear as my
friend Farmer HODGE. (_Loud applause, during which the PREMIER dives
under the table and re-appears in character. Continued applause._) I
be mighty glad to see ye. And now, I'll tell ye what I thinks about
the Eight Hours' Bill. (_Airs his opinions in "Zomerzetshire" for
some twenty minutes. At the conclusion of his performance re-appears
in evening dress-coat. Applause._) Thank you very much. But although
Farmer HODGE is a very good fellow, I think SANDIE MACBAWBEE is even
better. With your permission, I will appear as SANDIE MACBAWBEE.
(_Disappears under table, and re-appears in Highland Costume.
Cheers._) Dinna fash yourselves! Ma gracious! It's ma opinion that
you'll just hear a wee bit about Home Rule for Bonnie Scotland. Well,
ye ken--(_Airs his opinions upon his chosen subject in broad Scotch.
After a quarter of an hour he re-appears, and receives the usual
applause._) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And now as I have
shown you Scotland and England, I think you would be pleased with
a glimpse of London. (_Cheers._) You all like London, do you not?
(_Applause._) With your kind permission, I will re-appear as a noted
character in the great tragic comedy of the world's Metropolis.
(_Dives down and comes up as a Costermonger. Prolonged applause._)
What cheer! (_Laughter._) Well, you blokes what are you grinning at?
I am a chickaleary cove, that's what I am. But I know what would knock
you! You would like to 'ear about 'Ome Rule. Eh? What cheer! 'Ere
goes. (_Reveals his Home-Rule scheme with a Cockney twang and dialect.
Then disappears and re-appears in his customary evening dress._) Thank
you most earnestly. (_Loud cheers._) And now I am afraid I must bid
you good-bye. But before leaving, I must confess to you that I have
never had the honour of appearing before a juster, more intelligent,
and more appreciative audience. [_Bows and exit._
_Voices._ Encore! Encore! Encore!
_Mr. Gladstone_ (_returning_). I am deeply touched by this sign
of public confidence. I would willingly continue my character
illustrations indefinitely, but, unfortunately, I am required in
another part of the country to repeat the same performances. I have
only just time to catch my special train. Thank you again and again.
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