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Page 10
No; to slumber on a slant
Till you're floor'd,
Is a luxury I can't
Well afford;
And I'm sad to a degree
That, in Everywhere-on-Sea,
"Board and Residence" should be
Mostly _board_!
* * * * *
"DISCOVERY OF A NEW SATELLITE TO JUPITER."--Well, why not? Why
announce it as if a noted thief had been arrested? "Discovered! Aha!
Then this to decide"--cries the Melodramatic Satellite. Poor Jupiter
must be uncommonly tired of his old Satellites by this time! How
pleased, how delighted, he must be to welcome a new one!
* * * * *
[Illustration: VIEW OF "MARS" AS SEEN THROUGH MR. PUNCH'S TELESCOPE.]
* * * * *
MORE LIGHTS!
[Illustration: A Straight Tip and a New Sensation.]
When anyone now in town requires a change from the _De_-lights of
Home, let him go to _See Lights of Home_ at the Adelphi. Great scene
of the Wreck not so great perhaps as some previous sensational Adelphi
effects. In such a piece as "the Lights," it is scarcely fair that
"the Heavies" should have it nearly all to themselves, but so it is,
and the two Light Comedy parts capitally played by Miss JECKS and Mr.
LIONEL RIGNOLD, do not get much of a chance against the heartrending
sorrows of Miss EVELYN MILLARD, and of Mrs. PATRICK CAMPBELL, the
slighted, or sea-lighted heroine, known as "Dave's Daughter" (oh,
how fond Mr. W.A. ELLIOTT must be of _Dave Purvis_, the weakest
sentimentalist-accidental-lunatic-criminal that ever was let off
scot-free at R.H. first entrance before the fall of the Curtain),
and the undaunted heroism and unblushing villany of Messrs. CHARLES
DALTON, COCKBUKN, KINGSTON & Co. The title might well have been, _Good
Lights of Home, and Wicked Livers all Abroad_.
* * * * *
"TOP-DRESSING."--Said Mr. G. to a Welsh audience, "I might as well
address the top of Snowdon on the subject of the Establishment, as
address you on the matter." Flattery! The top of Snowdon, of course,
represented the highest intelligence in Wales.
* * * * *
"I pity the poor Investors!" exclaimed Mrs. R. sympathetically, when
she saw the heading of a paragraph in the _Times_--"Bursting of a
Canal Bank."
* * * * *
A BIG BOOMING CHANCE LOST!--Miss LOTTIE COLLINS, according to the
_Standard's_ report of the proceedings on board the unfortunate
_Cepheus_, said that, on seeing two jeering men rowing out from shore,
holding up bread to the hungry passengers, she, "had she been a
man, would have shot them." She wasn't a man, and so the two brutes
escaped. But what another "_Boom! te-ray,--Ta, ra, ra_," &c., &c.,
this would have been for LA COLLINS!
* * * * *
NOT IMPROBABLE.--Lord ROSEBERY might have ended his diplomatic reply
to Mr. THOMAS GIBSON BOWLES, M.F., who recently sent kind inquiries
to the Foreign Office, as to the Pamirs and Behring Sea, Canadian
Government, &c., &c., with a P.S. to the effect that "his
correspondent probably considered him as a Jack (in office), and
therefore a legitimate object to score off in the game of BOWLES."
* * * * *
_The Prodigal Daughter; or, The Boyne-Water Jump_, by DRURIOLANUS
MAGNUS and PETTITT PARVUS, was produced with greatest success, last
Saturday, at Old Drury. The general recommendation to the authors will
be, as a matter of course, i.e., of race-course, given in the historic
words of DUCROW, "Cut the cackle and come to the 'osses." When this
advice is acted upon, _The Prodigal Daughter_, a very fine young
woman, but not particularly prodigal, will produce receipts beyond all
cacklelation.
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