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Page 1
_Translations and helps:_ The Satire of Seneca on the
Apotheosis of Claudius, by A.P. Ball (with introduction,
notes, and translations): New York:
Columbia University Press; London, Macmillan,
1902.
SENECA
APOCOLOCYNTOSIS, OR LUDUS DE MORTE CLAUDII: THE PUMPKINIFICATION OF
CLAUDIUS.
I wish to place on record the proceedings in heaven 1
October 13 last, of the new year which begins this auspicious age. It
shall be done without malice or favour. This is the truth. Ask if you like
how I know it? To begin with, I am not bound to please you with my answer.
Who will compel me? I know the same day made me free, which was the last
day for him who made the proverb true--One must be born either a Pharaoh
or a fool. If I choose to answer, I will say whatever trips off my tongue.
Who has ever made the historian produce witness to swear for him? But if
an authority must be produced, ask of the man who saw Drusilla translated
to heaven: the same man will aver he saw Claudius on the road, dot and
carry one. [Sidenote: Virg. Aen. ii, 724] Will he nill he, all that happens
in heaven he needs must see. He is the custodian of the Appian Way; by that
route, you know, both Tiberius and Augustus went up to the gods. Question
him, he will tell you the tale when you are alone; before company he is
dumb. You see he swore in the Senate that he beheld Drusilla mounting
heavenwards, and all he got for his good news was that everybody gave him
the lie: since when he solemnly swears he will never bear witness again to
what he has seen, not even if he had seen a man murdered in open market.
What he told me I report plain and clear, as I hope for his health and
happiness.
Now had the sun with shorter course drawn in his risen light, 2
And by equivalent degrees grew the dark hours of night:
Victorious Cynthia now held sway over a wider space,
Grim winter drove rich autumn out, and now usurped his place;
And now the fiat had gone forth that Bacchus must grow old,
The few last clusters of the vine were gathered ere the cold:
I shall make myself better understood, if I say the month was October, the
day was the thirteenth. What hour it was I cannot certainly tell;
philosophers will agree more often than clocks; but it was between midday
and one after noon. "Clumsy creature!" you say. "The poets are not content
to describe sunrise and sunset, and now they even disturb the midday
siesta. Will you thus neglect so good an hour?"
Now the sun's chariot had gone by the middle of his way;
Half wearily he shook the reins, nearer to night than day,
And led the light along the slope that down before him lay.
Claudius began to breathe his last, and could not 3
make an end of the matter. Then Mercury, who had always been much pleased
with his wit, drew aside one of the three Fates, and said: "Cruel beldame,
why do you let the poor wretch be tormented? After all this torture cannot
he have a rest? Four and sixty years it is now since he began to pant for
breath. What grudge is this you bear against him and the whole empire? Do
let the astrologers tell the truth for once; since he became emperor, they
have never let a year pass, never a month, without laying him out for his
burial. Yet it is no wonder if they are wrong, and no one knows his hour.
Nobody ever believed he was really quite born. [Footnote: A proverb for a
nobody, as Petron, 58 _qui te natum non putat._] Do what has to be done:
Kill him, and let a better man rule in empty court."
[Sidenote: Virg. Georg iv. 90]
Clotho replied: "Upon my word, I did wish to give him another hour or two,
until he should make Roman citizens of the half dozen who are still
outsiders. (He made up his mind, you know, to see the whole world in the
toga, Greeks, Gauls, Spaniards, Britons, and all.) But since it is your
pleasure to leave a few foreigners for seed, and since you command me, so
be it." She opened her box and out came three spindles. One was for
Augurinus, one for Baba, one for Claudius. [Footnote: "Augurinus" unknown.
Baba: see Sep. Ep. 159, a fool.] "These three," she says, "I will cause to
die within one year and at no great distance apart, and I will not dismiss
him unattended. Think of all the thousands of men he was wont to see
following after him, thousands going before, thousands all crowding about
him, and it would never do to leave him alone on a sudden. These boon
companions will satisfy him for the nonce."
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